Wednesday, March 27, 2013

boo yah!

do you know ive been off facebook for over a year?!
since january of last  year.

i did not come to my blog as much as i thought i would to share nuggets of wisdom 
(or whatever it was that i promised).

i havent really even turned to google+ or twitter as much as i thought i would. 

i post on each of those sites on occasion.

im mostly on twitter to follow semi-famous people 
(like the guys from top gear and duck dynasty)
and im mostly on google+ to pretend im a photographer 
(who never takes photos anymore)

im out of the fb drama.  and for me  -  thats exactly what it turned out to be.

it makes me lighter.  
(whatever the heck that means!)

im happy i made the decision. 
(uhm.  i like that i talk about this like it was some crazy A decision that was basically life or death) 

but, to all of you who thought i couldnt do it ...

in yo' face!!!

Thursday, March 07, 2013

less than 5% of the time

want to know what less than 5% of the time means to me?

well it means that when you spend 84 hours at a cabin, and you have running water for maybe 4 hours.

it means not showering for days.  

and it means melting snow so you can flush the toilet.
if its yellow let it mellow. if its brown flush it down.
(thanks astrocamp for that friendly reminder)

it means using bottled water so nashdee doesnt get all dehydrated on me. 

it means bringing home loads of laundry.  towels, sheets, long johns.
that i may or may not still be folding.

i realized that when i was doing the dishes with melted snow water - that dang!  i use a lot of water.  perhaps this should teach me about conservation.  

i pride myself on my short showers. i remember in 4th grade learning about taking 5 minute showers.  which i did.  till i was a teenager who had a bench in her shower. and i would frequently take a "rest" in the shower.  those were the "bad" years.  now im back to short showers. 

but washing dishes? flushing toilets? cooking? cleaning? heaven help me, im using a lot of water.

and thats the lesson i got out of 4 days at the cabin.

conserve water. or be forced to melt snow.  

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

tiger mom

remember all that controversy about the tiger mother? i remember sympathizing just a little bit - we all want what is best for our kids. 

i know what it is like to have a lot expected of me. and what it is like to want to deliver on those expectations. 

i always joke that had i just not tried particularly hard in elementary school, i wouldn't have had to work so hard come high school and college. (and then feel like such a failure because i just didn't want to be there, but that's another story) 

i think that for some of us - those types of expectations are just "there". i find that i expect a lot from lbj - perhaps as a result of my upbringing, and subsequent self-inflicted expectations - 

the tiger mother herself, in her defense said: “We parents, including me, are all so anxious about whether we're doing the right thing. You can never know the results. It's this latent anxiety." 

i feel that anxiety. constantly. i never know if i'm living up to "expectations" as a mother. and this morning - lbj got his first "report card". the card was filled with items they work on: colors, numbers, letters. 

he was able to score - always, most of the time, with encouragement, not at all, or n/a. 

he scored "not at all" in categories like subtracting and adding. numbers were not something i was focusing on before now. we really worked on letters and reading. 

but then in social situations - like "communicating with peers" he got "with encouragement". he scored this way in almost all of the social categories. 

when i read the report card, i found myself getting angry. i kid you not. for real, for serious, angry. why wont he just do as he is told?! listen to his teachers and the other kids. just sit down, shut your mouth, and listen.

that's what i was thinking at least. 

but, as i am trying to practice "positive" parenting, i took a deep breath and just that the teachers sent me a note today, and it says that lbj needs to work on listening. "i know mom" was the response. followed by, "a note that says im a bad boy?" 

that broke my heart. because i know that it is i who has said "bad boy", and who has let lbj think such a thing. lbj is a good boy, and i want him to try hard and do his best. but i do not want to instill some crazy "you must be the best" complex in him. 

i think that this will be hard. my initial gut reaction is that you ought to do something, and do it right. but, for heavens sake, i must remember this boy is 3. and that he has so much ahead of him. to use such a strong hand, and require perfection, i think will only create some serious self worth issues down the road. 

the first step was realizing how quickly i was able to find fault. i hope that i can remember this. and remember to not act on those feelings.  i hope that as lbj grows i will be able to know the difference between his best and the best.  i hope that i wont put too much stock into a piece of paper. and that i can teach lbj to do the same - to teach him his worth is beyond something that can be check marked on a report card. 

Monday, February 25, 2013

the concept of time

lbj just doesnt get time. 

just now i said: 5 minutes til nap time!

and he said "okay"

two second later, after obviously thinking about it, said:  "no!  one minute til bed time"

okay dude.  i can handle that. 

Sunday, February 24, 2013

missing ire

look here ... 

if anyone knows a way that i can just be so rich i can do anything i want ...

well, let me know a s a please (duck dynasty anyone?)

im just saying if i could do anything right now.  i would move back to ireland.  just pick up and go.  travel ... relax ... travel.

so. just putting it out there - if you  have a way for me to get there, just hit me up!

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

catch up

oh the dreaded catch-up.

you know a lot happens in four months. 
we took marlene to disneyland.
and she went to homecoming.  well i mean they didnt actually go TO the dance and DANCE at the dance.  but they had a party bus, and she wore a dress, and they went to dinner and show. sooooo...apparently thats what "going to homecoming" means these days.  
we took marlene to the grand canyon, salt lake city, los angeles. 
then we had thanksgiving with my family.  and christmas with the dees.  
another trip to brianhead to ring in the new year.
and a final trip - to san francisco. 
after that - marlene had to go home to germany. and we were sad. we still are.  we miss her mucho.

and i think thats how you sum up 4 intense crazy months into 10 sentences or less.

here is to blogging more often! 
as always ... 

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

mom stuff

being a mom is hard. 

its probably not as hard for you.  why?  no idea.  i just think that.  i think that i cannot figure out what im doing every single day.  and that probably youre at home baking cookies, making arts and crafts, while the floor is shining and mopped.  and ps your kids can probably read.  and youre probably "pinning" all about it on pintrest. 

me?  oh. well you know.  totally flailing about.  lost at sea.  lbj hates to listen.  is as stubborn as a mule.  and i cannot fathom a guess at where he got it ... because its too hard to tell.  is it the dee "i hate authority" stubborn.  or just the derosa, "im stuborrn and i like it" variety.  

i cant tell you.

what i can tell you is that if you are struggling. ever.  on any day.  i can virtually guarantee you that i am too.  
like this morning, when lbj woke up he was crying.  why?  because he went to bed crying last night and thought it was THE SAME DAY!  literally woke up crying and apologizing for why he had to go to bed early last night, as if it were only 5 minutes later.  

so, take note - lady at walmart who scolded lbj for crying in line yesterday - i have no earthly idea what im doing.  but im trying my best.  

and if youre having one of those days too, just know, i feel ya, sistah!

also.  just as a side note there are good things that happen.  
like last week, when lbj got up from his nap. he snuggled on the couch with me. he laid his head on my chest, and then looked up into my eyes.  and with the sweetest expression said, "mommy.  i like your private parts"
seriously classic ladies and gents.