Friday, December 21, 2007

we are off to andover for christmas. before we got married, it was the place i spent EVERY christmas. in 25 years, ive spent 24 Christmases in Andover.

For a few years, i was annoyed - 6 hour flight each way. spending all that time in my grandmas house, with so MANY family members. I felt trapped. not just physically, but i felt like if i didnt take a stand and say "im not coming" that theyd never ever let me go.

how silly. they are my family after all. and i love them dearly. but i was younger, and more rebellious then (i mean if you call becoming mormon rebellious haha).

anyway. this year is a hard year. nana - my great grandmother - is now living in an assisted living facility. she is only allowed out for 4 hours max per day while we are there. my nana played hide and seek with us till she was 100 years old. im not exaggerating. but in the last few years her health has declined, and here we are ... shes nearly 105. i love her so much. and i just really really hate the thought of her not being with us all day every day like usual.

my grandpa has a form of leukemia. and he has to have frequent blood transfusions. before all this i thought frequent meant every few months. now i know what it really means. just two days ago he got a bloody nose for two hours, and had to be hospitalized. my grandma said it was ok, because was due for another transfusion the next day. but it turns out, he too is getting older and he health is declining. so, they wont be releasing him from the hospital until monday. we are going to be flying into boston and drive straight to the hospital to see him.

additionaly, my uncle is very ill, and im not sure how much we will see him. and my grandma has just had a second bout with cancer. this always seems to be forgotten, as she is the one who takes care of everyone else. but just months ago she was going in daily for chemo and radiation treatments.

i am frustrated. i am frustrated that i could spend so many minutes not wanting to be with my family because i was being stupid and thought they were silly.

i am frustrated. i am frustrated that this even has to be a blog. its so heart breaking. i just want to be in a place where we are together, and there are no "timelines" as my sister put it.

but, these are not things to worry about now. tonite, we fly back east, and we will have fun and make memories to last a lifetime - just like always.

1 comment:

DeeBoyzMomma said...

Hey girlie. I am thinking about you and your family this weekend and wishing you all a very Merry and healthy Christmas!!

I've been reminded as well this year how each and every moment that we have to spend with those that we love is precious and so easily taken for granted. Enjoy all of those moments that you'll be able to look back on for a lifetime when you need them.

Oh, Jayden has asked me three times about his Aunt Nikki already this weekend! He keeps asking if you will be here for Christmas. As if asking 1000 times might actually make it happen. Anyway, just know that you are missed and that there are a couple of boys here in Phoenix that are thinking of you and loving you as well!

We love you guys bunches. Have a great holiday!