Tuesday, November 24, 2009

mail box woes

i have a fear of getting the mail. i hate to go out there. maybe there is some horrible letter in the box, telling me all that i ever knew to be true in the world, is, in fact, false (like that im actually adopted and my biological family is searching for me. more than likely there are bills and junk mail in the box.

but what if i find a bill for a hundred million dollars for something i forgot to pay 5 years ago? i think this is likely, as i have moved to 7 different addresses in those 5 years. plus, i changed my name (because i got married, not because im paranoid). it would be very easy to lose me. and then find me. and charge me crazy late fees.

you know who charges crazy late fees? hollywood video. i have two movies in my possession that cost me 67$ each. because i was very late in returning them. so eventually i got a letter stating that i needed to just pay them and keep the movies. so i did. im pretty sure they are the most expensive movies ever purchased.

back to the mailbox. point is, im scared of it. and what could be inside. therefore, i only check my mail on occasion. like ... maybe once a week. but, probably, more like every other week.

today my mum called to see if i had checked my mail. she does not know of this fear, she just likes to check in on me, apparently. as i hadnt yet done so in at least 5 days, i replied, "nope, not yet". this is very casual. as in, "no worries, ill do it later".

later turned out to be 10 pm.

i ran across the street to the box. put my key into number three. and i hoped that was the right box (sometimes i forget, because its been so long).

i pulled out the hoards of mail. the box was stuffed! and there were no packages. just bills and junk (of course). but, it was stuffed.

i started to run back across the street. (its 50degrees out - aka freezing. of course i was running.)

suddenly, i tripped on my pj pants. and ate it.

ate it!

my mail went flying all over the middle of the road. i hit my knee and hip and landed on my hands.

i laughed really hard (i may have snorted). i do that when im nervous. and i was really nervous someone might have seen me ... at 10 pm ... in the dark ... on a cul-de-sac with no traffic ...

i got my mail together. and tried to run home. embarrassed. but i was hurt. so, i couldnt run. only limp. it was really sad.

i really hope i have a bruise on my hip tomorrow so i can take a picture and show you. i dont know why. its like a battle wound. and i would think it was cool.


ps...thanks to my mum for sending lbj a card for his first thanksgiving...had you not, maybe i wouldnt have eaten asphalt tonight. and who doesnt like a little tar for dessert?

1 comment:

Chlo: said...

Love love love this :)