this ... is the life

can you guess

2012-02-02T12:37:00.000-08:00

how much i love this?

pea-neumonia

2012-01-31T14:36:00.000-08:00

a couple of weeks back, LBJ started wheezing. a really weird wheezing id never heard before.

i dont want to be that crazy mum that takes her kid to the doctor for every scrape, bruise and cough.

and as i had just gone to the doctor back in november or december for a lingering cough (over 3 weeks), i thought if i go to the doctor now, im totally going to be that mum.

and ... i am. so first thing the next morning i made a sick appointment for the kiddo. the appointment was for noon(ish), so we lay on the couch together to watch some tele. we watched the previous nights bachelor. and, LBJ watched the whole thing while just laying on top of my torso. it reminded me of when he was a newborn and we would lay on the couch together. back then he was lighter, so i could breathe easier. and his legs werent reaching my knees. time sure does fly.

meanwhile, we were watching the bachelor. obviously, my kid is sick. i dont know any two-year old boy who would sit through such an unbelievable train wreck of a show. i thought, perhaps, he had fallen asleep. but, as this was the episode in san francisco, he was sure to notify me every time he saw a trolley. apparently, the mere glimpse of a red vehicle was enough to capture his attention.

once we arrived at the doctor, it turned out that he was running two hours behind schedule. on any other day, this would be a nightmare. a complete and total meltdown waiting to happen in the middle of an office full of spectators. but, i soon realized, that LBJ was indeed very very sick. and there would be no meltdown - but just a very calm lap sitter.

(oh those rosy cheeks!)

once we finally saw the doctor, he thought he might have bronchitis. as it turns out, he actually had pneumonia.

the doctor says to me, "he going to have to do breathing treatments. okay. you know how to do that, right?"

...

uh. no.

...

i kid you not, his head snapped up from his prescription pad and he looked genuinely confused.

he asks, "you have a nebulizer at home?"

...

uh. no.

...

again, utter confusion.

apparently my kid is totally abnormal for waiting two and half years to get around to using a nebulizer.

the doctor ordered us to do two treatments immediately in the office.

when the nurse entered and told LBJ what was going on, she said "youll be like an astronaut"

LBJ has no idea what an astronaut is. i dont think ive ever shown him a picture of one. however! he does know star trek - and they go into space. so i immediately tell him this is star trek medicines, so he can go to space with the captain.

oh. forgive me for my total and utter dorkiness.

but, with that he put on the mask and was a champ.

and then he fell asleep.

(do you think he was dreaming of hanging out with data and geordi?)

in succession part dos

2012-01-28T12:00:00.000-08:00

in succession

2012-01-27T15:41:00.000-08:00

pack it up, pack it in

2012-01-26T15:50:00.000-08:00

let me begin.

with christmas.

thats as far back as im willing to go in my adventures. and ill just blog forward from there. probably.

and fyi - this will probably be long. but it will have photos!!!

so this year we made the trek back to boston to see GG (great grandma jean), auntie bonnie and uncle tom. despite only seeing tom once, maybe twice a year - he is, no doubt, one of LBJs favorites. probably the less you see LBJ (and therefore the less you have to discipline him), moves you up on his favorite scale. since i spend about 95% of the time with him, im pretty sure im his least favorite right now. ah, the joys of motherhood.

moving on. we opted to split the plane ride into two trips with a layover. it seemed to work well last summer when i took LBJ out to boston for a summer visit, so we tried it again. he was awesome! we flew from vegas to detroit. had a layover for lunch/dinner. and then on to boston. where we arrived just in time for bed time. putting LBJ immediately onto east coast time. im pretty sure it could not have been better. then we spent the next few days hoping for snow. to no avail. i promised LBJ some outdoor time in the snow at GGs house. and mother nature ruined it for him. and for me. because really, auntie rachel promised me to take LBJ out for an hour in the snow. and i had big plans for that hour of alone time. big "reading a book in complete silence" plans.

BOO MOTHER NATURE! BOO GLOBAL WARMING! BOO EL NINO!

...does that apply here?...

ah well. rachel did take LBJ with poppop and uncle tom and alex to pick out a christmas tree. apparently there were animals to pet and playgrounds to play on. so LBJ was happy.

(sombody's a nervous auntie!)

we are a family who loves a good game. this year i bought a bingo set. and we played.

oh we played. for mon-ay! good thing the coppers didnt find out about our illegal gambling. they might've busted in and taken my twelve dollah bills, yo.

we took all our winnings and got one of these bad boys:

we got all dressed up:

got in the limo

and then acted a fool:

all had a great time at the pops. as per usual. and it was followed by an awesomely huge and delicious dinner.

i was so busy stuffing my face (hey i didnt lose 10lbs so i could go on vacation and not eat), that i didnt get any pics.

we decorated our tree. and then waited for santa:

and he came. oh yes he did. apparently we were all good this year. because this is just half the room. the other half looks just like this:

we had our annual christmas poppers filled with a joke, a crown and toy (because who doesnt need another?) and then some good grub.

thats christmas in a a very big nutshell.

things i did not photograph, but really should have, are the three trips to my brothers place for sandwiches. yup. three times i ate steak and cheese wrap.

and then we got on a plane and flew home. i could barely fit in my seat after all the food and candies.

but i made it work. and now we are home recovering!

stay tuned ...

2012-01-18T16:25:00.000-08:00

i know blog. ive once again left you to fend for yourself. which isnt easy, im sure, when you are completely and totally dependent on me for any and all content.

but - after serious thought, ive decided to delete the facebook. which means i will probably take to the blog more often with little nuggets of ... im really trying hard here to come up with some kind of word that fits. but im lost. my wit? ah, if only i were that witty.

this bodes well for the future here, eh?

but seriously. ill be back. (totally said that like you think i did)

dont judge me ...

2011-12-03T19:40:00.001-08:00

because i do it fine all by myself. thank you very much.

the other night, nathan really wanted ice cream. we were both in PJs. but, since im such an awesome wife (dont worry, the judging comes later), i offered to go to the gas station to get him a huge chocolate chip cookie ice cream sandwich.

i was already embarrassed to go into the gas station like that. but, who am i going to see in the gas station? other people in pajamas, thats who.

but, when there were no huge ice cream cookies to be found, i decided to hop on over to albertsons. when i pulled into my parking space, i looked up to see a beautiful audi in front of me. the license plate holder alerted me that the driver of this automobile was a UPenn alum.

for those of you who didnt know - that was my dream school. it was a reach school - and i knew it. but i just had this burning desire to go to school there. and i really thought deep down, they would see something in me, and pick me. (i imagined college admissions like a game of kickball in third grade. the team captains picked their team, and you just hoped you werent picked last). suffice it say, the didnt see that special something.

so here i am staring at the back of a beautiful expensive car, belonging to a person who probably has an awesome job that he got with his awesome degree. and he probably wasnt shopping in jammies.

nope. that was me.

that sad old lady in the ice cream aisle...in her pajamas...at 8pm...alone...without a degree from an ivy league.

amazeballs

2011-10-26T14:49:00.000-07:00

maybe you dont think this is funny. but i cant stop laughing.

i feel like i know people like this. they might be offended that i said that. but im pretty sure they cant find their way to my blog unless i remind them i write one, send them a(nother) link, and then call them and tell them how to click on it.

jk. jk.

no. but seriously.

green juice, baby!

2011-10-25T16:06:00.001-07:00

i bought a juicer. its basically amazing.

ive made orange juice. strawberry lemonade.

some blueberry concoction.

cucumber apple juice.

this list goes on and on.

im trying to drink mean green juice - to make me healthy or something.

if youre not into spinach or celery, you might not like it.

i didnt hate it.

but LBJ wasnt a fan.

2011-10-12T20:28:00.000-07:00

anyone who ever talks to me knows the serious reservations i have of adding another child into our family.

LBJ is a good boy. most of the time. except when hes not. and those times are excruciating. as in - i am finding you a new home little boy. and im not even going to cry when you leave. (jk jk. i cry at commercials. cmon!)

the things that i loved about LBJ when he was one, are the things i struggle with the most now that he is in his twos. LBJ has always been very independent. which was awesome when other kids at preschool were suffering from separation anxiety, and LBJ was saying "mom who?". or while i was cooking dinner he was in the backyard ... doing something.

but now it means i say, we are having tacos for dinner and he says "no! chicken!". awesome, LBJ, you have an opinion! i love it! no, really, i do! but shut it. i made tacos. and thats what we are having.

i know. i know. "no" is the word of the year for two year olds. and probably three year olds too. but LBJ seems especially stubborn to me. i must make him think everything we do, eat, say etc. is his idea.

luckily - im married. and you married ladies know - we do that to our husbands all the time! can i get an "amen"!

gosh im funny.

havent you missed my blogging?

look, the point of this post, was that i just texted nathan (who is conveniently out of town), and told him LBJ was good today. it was a good day. and i felt like, as i wrote it, that i have to really point out the days that arent a constant struggle. because those days exist. where its just me and LBJ fighting it out. all.day.long.

but, on that same note, i feel like im saying "it was a good day" more often.

which means for my little eggies - there is still hope for you!

(but i reserve the right to change my mind yet again tomorrow)

(yesterday)

(today)

dear old friend from college

2011-10-08T09:03:00.000-07:00

sometimes you meet people who are not in your life forever. but they mean something to you forever.

10 years ago, i went to college and met some awesome people (oh, yeah. and some not awesome people).

one of the awesome ones is in med school far away from home. and she tweets sad tweets. because she is meeting some not awesome people, i think. and youre always sad when you are away from home. at least i am.

this awesome person was someone who i totally connected with 10 years ago. i loved her dearly for a minute. we had a class together. we had inside jokes together. and then i moved away from DC. and now i follow her on twitter and facebook. i havent seen her since i left DC.

but some people just make an impression on you. if we had dinner tonite, i dont know what we would talk about. i have a horrible memory - so i probably wouldnt remember any of our mutual friends names. or cute guys we both crushed on. but im pretty sure we could pick up at the present and have a great conversation about what a great person she is. and how she has to push through the BS and make it through school.

because thats what i would say to her if we were at dinner.

i dont know what it is about some people. they are in your life for a short time. and mean the world then. and then .. in this day in age ... we passively stalk each other on social media sites.

so this is just a non-passive letter to my old friend, to let her know ive got her back! youre beautiful and awesome. and if i were in the ATL i would throw you a bathing suit dance party!

LBJ is a musical genius!

2011-09-27T18:45:00.000-07:00

while in the parking lot of costco on saturday, i started singing this lil tune. and lbj started to copy me.

i know he likes to (try) and sing his abcs ... and yo ho a pirates life for me.

but this is a real song! (those others are fake, obviously)

so i had to get it on camera. it wasnt easy. and he gets goofy at the end of this one. but it'll do, lil donkey.

(again, please ignore me! just focus on the kiddo and his serious musical chops!)

Help Find David Miller

2011-09-13T09:10:00.000-07:00

(taken directly from my blogging friend Morgan - we are in the same Stake, and I too received the emails regarding David. My prayers go out to him and his family)

Last Sunday 9.4.11 one of our dear friends, David Miller went missing. I am posting this and asking anyone in the areas of Southern Nevada, Southern Utah, Arizona and Southern California to help aid in the search. We received a letter from David's family this past Saturday:

Dearest Friends,

Our hearts are grateful for all who are helping us in our search for our son, David. Our latest direction is that David could be somewhere between Las Vegas and Cedar City. We feel impressed that we need to find him right ...away.

We don't know for sure but feel the area between St George and Hurricane and perhaps as far north as Cedar City might be the most likely area to find him. His car is a light green Hyundai Elantra (see the attached photos below) and it will be the key to locating him. Most likely he will be off of the main highways and roads. We think he would seek a place of solitude away from any people. He would probably not hike much away from a car accessible road but could be in an area that is not readily visible.

There are several people planning to look for him and his car throughout Southern Utah tomorrow. We have been with limited phone access and bandwidth today so we are just responding to some of you who have offered to help. For those that are able, it would be helpful to have you travel to Southern Utah tomorrow to help with the search. If any of you have friends or relatives living between Las Vegas and Cedar City, will you please forward the attached photos below and ask them to use their own networking to get other people looking for David and his car.

Chris Jensen and Bill Karren are already in Southern Utah and others are on their way tomorrow by car, plane and helicopter. If you are able to travel and help with the search tomorrow, please contact Chris (702-499-5320) and Bill (702-372-3378) and we will ask them to organize the ground search efforts.

We thank you for anything you can do to help with this search. David is a wonderful man who is blessed to have your support.

Michelle and I are making our way back to Las Vegas and then Southern Utah. We may not have phone access for some of the day tomorrow but please leave us a message when needed.

Words are inadequate to express our love and thanks,

Kevin Miller 702-580-4251
Michelle 702-301-3456

As of today, I have the following updates:

David suffers from severe clinical depression. He is without his phone, wallet or medication. His parents are unsure if his going missing has to do with foul play, or is the result of a depressive episode, but have assured the police that he has never "just taken off" before without telling anyone, and that this occurrence is extremely unlike him.
The Henderson, NV police department found David's car in the parking lot of Jared's Jewelers on Saturday 9.10.11 at 1071 West Sunset Rd. However, upon further investigation the store owner stated that the car had been there since Monday, 9.5.11. David was nowhere to be found.
Large scale searches have been occurring all weekend in Southern Utah, as far north as Fillmore, UT. Two of David's best friends moved there a few years ago, and he visited them often. His parents felt as though maybe he went to see them, and was familiar enough with the drive to make it in one of his depressive episodes.
While this information is being updated frequently and spread across Facebook (we created a page for him this past weekend: Help Find David Miller), there is not a lot of news coverage, and other than word spreading through the Latter Day Saint (Mormon) community, it is not getting much publicity.
Because there are a few news anchors in my home ward (David's parent's ward), they were able to get out two news broadcasts this weekend on Las Vegas NBC news and Las Vegas ABC news- watch here.
Saturday, < Morgan's > family contacted all 20 Stake Presidents in the Las Vegas valley, as well as few bishops in Mesquite, Laughlin, and Pahrump.

I am asking you, my bloggy readers, to please help keep an eye out for our friend. If you have any information, please contact <Morgan> or the following:

Kevin Miller 702-580-4251

Michelle 702-301-3456

Thanks again!

this is not a blog ...

2011-09-13T09:06:00.001-07:00

this is me venting frustration.

and all i have to say is, i hate wells fargo.

they are slow. dumb. and frustrating.

and i doubt that i will ever work with them again.

the end.

the results are in

2011-09-01T12:57:00.000-07:00

august was a challenge month at our house.

nathan and i committed to a month long spending fast, as well as a workout/diet regimen.

both were very successful!

like i said at the beginning of the month, we spend too much. not really out of our means. but more than we should. and mostly on silly things. aka eating out. which is probably why we are fat. and by sticking to one goal, we were able to accomplish the other.

so, i have budgeted $400 a month for grocery shopping. that includes toiletries and dog food.

guess what ... this month we spent 374.96! HOLY SMOKES PEOPLE!!! we stayed on budget.

as far as the spending fast goes - here is where we went over:

eating out - we had a few mishaps here and there - and so we spend about $48 eating out.

not perfect. but not bad either, if you ask me.

other places we spent money

a babysitter. $35 (my family took us out to dinner and to see Viva Elvis. free entertainment? yes please! i'll pony up to pay a babysitter in that case!)

pizza for said babysitter. $20

and i shopped! ugh! in my previous post i mentioned doing a photoshoot with my cousin. so i purchased a new tripod and a reflector set that ive really been wanting. with amazon prime free shipping - i spent $30

i also bought ice and water bottles for a picnic - at $7.54

i bought LBJ shoes - but that was allowed this month - at $47

nathan got a haircut - $18. that was sort of a necessity. he was getting shaggy, and as a salesman in front of people, he cant really put that off.

nathan got some golf shirts and some going out shirts - all paid with gift cards!

so all in all - $140 and change spent eating out and shopping. not including the necessities i mentioned above.

i have budgeted $100 for eating out and another $100 for shopping and entertainment. so even with the necessities, we basically stayed on budget. plus the left over from my AMAZING grocery shopping.

i cannot tell you how happy i am that we did this. that we not only committed to it. but we worked hard to stay on target. even despite our moments of weakness, we were able to stay on budget. and therefore put money into savings this month!

thanks morgan for such a great idea!!!

as an added bonus. i lost seven pounds.

this weekend...

2011-08-29T10:32:00.000-07:00

was prit much amazing. we had family in town from minnesota and it was fab!

we went to bb kings (again) and ate and danced and listened to the band.

on saturday we went to aria and ate crab legs and lobster at the buffet. and then saw viva elvis.

i cried. a lot. i didnt realize i had such emotions for elvis. but, apparently, i do.

but what might have been the best part of the weekend was getting up early saturday morning and working with my sister and cousin on a seriously creative and fun project.

as you may know, my sister just graduated from FIDM, and is continuing her education at CalArts. she is a fashion/costume designer and stylist (to the stars!) (im not kidding. did you see the glee concert or movie? she styled that show. yeah. shes awesome)

a couple of weeks ago, i emailed her and said i was feeling pretty creative and wanted to do a little photoshoot. so for my cousins birthday, we treated her to a three hour session in the red rock hills. shes basically model material. (our stylist was buying size ones. i havent seen size ones since i was eight. at best.)

here are a couple of teasers:

For Your Viewing Pleasure

2011-08-26T07:15:00.000-07:00

not so much for your listening pleasure however.

please try and ignore my voice.

please look at how weird and funny LBJ is.

and how he eats his chicken after NashDee almost swipes it (and def gets his own dog slobber on it im sure.) thats how we roll here.

happy friday everyone!

ten years

2011-08-25T13:53:00.000-07:00

i completely forgot to post on august 16th that it was the TEN YEAR anniversary of my blogging.

youd think after ten fabulous years i would a) be a better writer. b) have more followers. c) be more consistent in my writing. d) be a gobazillionaire mommy blogger extraordinaire.

i am none of those things.

but i am happy to say that i have been writing on a semi-consistent basis for 10 years. and that just sounds like a long time.

ten years ago my first blog was about my upcoming trip to hawaii.

then i wrote about going to college.

then i was really ~~drunk~~ busy with schoolwork, so i didnt write as much.

eventually i got back to it. and here we are.

still writing completely pointless posts.

like this one, commemorating a made up anniversary (like the anniversary of your second date. no one does that.)

hiking vs babies

2011-08-22T12:38:00.000-07:00

analogies are funny.

we compare things that arent really similar at all. but somehow make it work.

nathan does this a lot with silly, overused phrases.

i say, do you want to golf tomorrow?

he says, is a fat dog heavy?

(that conversation never actually happens. i never let nathan leave the house for fun. muhahaha)

two of my wonderful sister-in-laws are pregnant right now. we found out recently, at least one of those dee babies is yet another boy!!

so, nathan asks me if we are going to have any more kids.

and i tell him, not right now. im just not there.

and he says, look. i have to start preparing. so i need a yes or no.

and then he says:

its like me and hiking. you cant wake me up on saturday and ask me to hike. i have to have notice.

really?

planning on having another baby is like planning a easy stroll through red rock with three days notice?

just for the record. when pushed for an answer, i settled on a 'no'

(why? watch my son at church on sunday, and you'll know)

he may not pee in a potty ...

2011-08-18T16:39:00.000-07:00

but the kid can clean a mean shower!

this may only enhance my lazy image. but i dont care.

put those kids to work!

i have feet to put up and rest!

i am lazy

2011-08-18T16:14:00.000-07:00

today i read an article with a graph that stated that the average age for potty trained boys is 2 years and 10 months. i was feeling pretty good about that. LBJ is a ferocious little bugger when it comes to things that he "wants" to do. he is, simply put, stubborn.

with all things LBJ, i have come to rely on instinct, on "feeling" the rightness of something. two years and two months in, i feel like its worked well. some may question this method of parenting. (your mom might question it) (yes, that was a "your mom" joke. get over it)

my instinct is telling me, LBJ isnt there yet, as far as potty training goes. if i push to hard, he will just push back. perhaps, though, this is just an excuse for my laziness. please see below comments on the article i read today.

quote:

People who wait to potty train their children must be lazy, or think that there is something more important (usually just them being lazy). I also think that its disgusting for people to think that its okay for children who are perfectly able to use the toilet (I'd say past 2.5 or so) to use the bathroom in their pants. That's just not normal.

quote:

I think waiting to potty train your child until they are 3 is ridiculous and lazy parenting!! Why when we were kids the average age like 1.5 years and now it's three!! I will potty train at 18 months. Just like all my siblings were.

so, what i have learned is, a) all people, at least a generation ago, were potty trained by 18 months. b) that i am disgusting for putting a diaper on my kid. and c) i am lazy

its probably all true.

i mean, LBJ did, you know, number two today in a diaper. and it was disgusting.

in addition, i could be using this valuable time to potty train, but instead im blogging.

man, i am so lazy and disgusting!

want to see the article? and the comments?

go here

lay off me!

2011-08-12T16:31:00.000-07:00

guys. i had a break down.

nope. my car is fine.

as is my nervous system.

but yesterday was the crappiest day ever. and, since i am an emotional eater. and nothing in my house is satisfying in that way (blaaarrrgh! weightloss goals!), i sent nathan off to buy me dinner and bring it home so i could mope in my pjs while stuffing my face.

it was 31$ we shouldnt have spent.

making us 34$ over our spending fast! (remember that silly 3$ smoothie?)

i felt horrible about it. but not horrible enough to stop us.

what i am telling myself is that its the 12th, that i know we are making dinner tonite at home. as we are tomorrow. and then its sunday. that will bring us halfway through the month. and if halfway through the month, we have only eaten out once, im pretty much considering that a miracle.

so, lay off me. im starving!

red light green light

2011-08-11T12:31:00.000-07:00

today i ran a red light.

i dont think that i have done that since i was in a horrible car accident just months after my 16th birthday. i totaled my car, and without seatbelts, may have seriously harmed myself or others. it was a terrifying event, to say the least. and it was my fault. a stupid error, and i mistakenly went through a red light.

years later, i remember being in a residential neighborhood. it was late, at least midnight. and i was at a red light. for 13 minutes. im not joking. but i couldnt bear to run the light. i just never ever saw myself running a red light ever again.

and now, even more years later, i did it.

after dropping LBJ off at preschool, i headed into work. again i was at a light in a relatively residential area. i saw through two "rotations" of green lights for the cars going straight. but my left turn arrow never came. the person in front of me ran the red arrow on that second green (straightaway) light. then the light turned red, and the perpendicular traffic went again. they stopped. the light for the straight traffic turned green. but my arrow was still red. i had been there nearly 10 minutes. i look in my review mirror, looking for the coppers. seeing none (and also seeing the woman behind me also checking for the po-po), i made my move.

left turn on red!

i went.

the woman behind me went.

and so did the truck behind her.

we were all rebels today. it was scary for me. but i did it. i probably wouldnt have with LBJ in the car. but just me. meh. i live on the edge!

(cant you tell)

weekend spending

2011-08-08T19:55:00.000-07:00

for those of you wondering (and i know you all are) how the weekend went. let me share.

on friday night, we had dinner with my parents. and rachel and alex drove in from cali!! so we were super excited. it also was a free dinner (thanks parentals!)

remember reading seventeen magazine when you were 12 and they always referred to your parents as either the parentals or the 'rents. so weird.

saturday we headed to tivoli village, because we still hadnt been yet, and i read they host a farmers market. SCORE!

we bought our fruits and veggies for the week, and only spent $12 buckaroos.

on the downside - while LBJ played in the splash pad and jungle gym, nathan bought a fruit smoothie for $3.

i know what you are thinking, its only $3. but every time we spend three dollars, thats what we say - and then somehow, we've spent hundreds of dollars on little things. just like that. hence the reason for the spending fast.

none the less - we are a full week in, and have only spent $3. so thats pretty freaking good.

saturday afternoon my mum invited me to play penny slots. she knew about my spending fast, and offered to give me the money to play. so i went. obviously. im not going to turn down free fun!!

sunday was church and then dinner at my parents again. and here we are monday night, and nathan is out golfing.

what?! golf isnt a necessity!

nope. but nathan gets points for the tee times he books regularly, apparently. and had enough points for a free round. so off he went to have a little r&r.

i think that i have enough food in my fridge and cupboard to last us the rest of the week for lunches and dinners, so im not expecting to spend much this week.

thursday night we are heading to az. nathan and i have already talked about it, and i plan to make something we can take in the car with us. one) saving the money and two) totally healthier than fast food on the road (see: weightloss blog)

we will see how the spending fast goes while in arizona. i am hoping for a lot of sitting around the pool and bbqing so we dont spend money out. but its hard to refuse when theres almost 20 other dee family members with other ideas ;o)

i will check in next monday and let you know how it goes!

success!

2011-08-05T14:15:00.000-07:00

i AM amazing.

i went to target today. and i spent $3.48 on a pair of flipflops for LBJ.

(as you recall, i allowed myself money for LBJs shoes this month)

i didnt buy anything off the clearance rack for me.

i didnt get that snickers bar staring at me.

i didnt buy any earings.

i got the shoes.

and i left.

TAKE THAT 30 DAY SPENDING FAST!

ps i also bought real sneakers and church shoes for him - at another store. i dont want you to think that i am just going to make my kid live in flipflops for the rest of the year.

things that i love

2011-08-04T13:38:00.000-07:00

being behind that person who wants to go 35 miles an hour in a 45 zone

LBJ screaming "mac and cheese" over and over at the top of his lungs while in the check out line at the store

cleaning the whole house

cleaning the whole house and then looking around to see that its messy again

laundry

haha

...just kidding...

dear every picture of me EVER,

2011-08-03T09:00:00.000-07:00

why cant you all be as grainy as my costco id picture?

you cant see my double chin when im that grainy.

you cant tell how squinty i make my eyes when im that unfocused.

i want someone to get rid of that instagram b.s. and make a costco id picture app for my phone.

you might not always know its me, but at least ill always look not-fat.

the end.

spending fast update

2011-08-02T21:12:00.000-07:00

two days into our spending fast and so far so good.

mostly.

our costco membership ended yesterday, so i had to renew it. which i wasnt planning on. but it had to be done.

so i made a menu, and only bought the things i needed for the lunches and dinners.

yay for nikki!

the plan is not to go back to the store until next tuesday.

and thats the update!

money money money

2011-08-01T11:28:00.000-07:00

nathan and i are extremely lucky. we have extremely similar spending habits, and therefore rarely (if ever?) fight over money. we both like to eat out (weird, huh) and arent big shoppers.

last week, i spent almost an entire day tracking our last 7 months worth of spending. literally breaking it down line by line and looking at our visa, amex and atm/bank cards. what i found was unsurprising. we spend more than we should, and most of that extra spending goes to food. we have a budget, that we apparently have NEVER stuck to. except for april. i dont know what happened in april, but april was good to us. i want every month to be like april.

so - i have challenged nathan to a month long spending fast, beginning today. this is going to be hard, as we are going to arizona for a weekend, my penpal and her husband are going to stop in for a couple of days, and then some family is coming to town for the last weekend of the month. its kind of intense to actually think about it.

but, i really want to do it. mostly so we can FEEL where the money is going. we know enough to not really spend over our means, but we also aren't entirely careful. so this month is necessities only. bills, gas, and food at the grocery store.

it means no buying any amazon mp3s (nathan)

it means no buying any golf equipment or art supplies or random things at target (mostly me)

no clothes (i am giving myself one exception there - lbj has grown out o f his shoes, so i am going to have to buy him one pair)

and especially no eating out (both of us!)

ill let you know how it goes. wish us luck!

as a side note, i read this blog: morgan makes cents

her brother and i were friends once upon a time, so i started blogstalking her

and now she is doing a YEAR LONG spending fast. shes intense. and awesome.

dearest penpal,

2011-07-29T13:14:00.000-07:00

yes this another post directly for you. its probably because i love you so much. like harry loves hermione. that type of serious (but not sexual) love.

anyway. i noticed that you have killed two huge spiders in the last two days. congratulations. there must be an equally horrible spider revolt happening here in las vegas, as i, too, have had spiders rummaging about my home.

today, lbj and the dog were baby-gated into their usual living room/den area, while i busied myself in the kitchen. when what, but a spider, came along. naturally, i screamed. i tried to throw a napkin over it. that was dumb. a napkin has no weight with which to kill a spider. dumb, nikki, dumb.

as the spider moved about, i screamed. the dog was not happy about this. i am sure he thought there was an invisible intruder trying to capture me. he was growling, i kid you not. and you know the dog. he doesnt growl for much.

lbj starts yelling "scared?" over and over, really loud. and his face was probably mirroring mine. it was was full of fright. that such a little insect could cause such a commotion in my house is unbelievable. but, believe it. 'cause it happened.

finally i grabbed a rather large book (nathans, of course). and threw it on top of the spider, and screamed, "I KILLED IT!!"

i felt pretty awesome about it. not gonna lie.

and as a side note, lbj has now learned the word "killed" and has been saying, "spider killed it" for the last few hours.

awesome? i dont know if i wanted to teach lbj about killing at such a young age. but, as a consolation, at least he's trying to form sentences. i'll take that, i guess.

much love fellow spider warrior. until we meet again.

dear friend,

2011-07-28T15:13:00.000-07:00

yesterday i was scrubbing the grout of my tile floors. i was on my hands and knees breathing in some nasty chemicals for almost 4 hours.

i know what youre thinking - nikki! youre so amazing!! you do so much around your home to make everyone so happy.

yes. you are right. i do.

but, thats not why im telling you about being on our floors like that for so long. i scrub the grout on a quarterly basis, its what i do. but, while i was scrubbing, i was thinking of blogging. what can i talk about on my blog? in fact, i have a post, mid-write (?) as we speak about movie goers. its what im calling a "per-request" post.

im writing it because i want to. but i also know someone specific wants to read it (she told me so!). while i was thinking about this "grout" post, that same person came to mind. she knows how proud i am of my grout cleaning abilities.

and then i thought. holy crap! am i just writing letters to my one friend? i think i am. this blog is just a farce! an elaborate pen-pal system! my parents and my sister dont even follow my blog. who am i writing for!?!

this proceeded to become a huge existential debate between me, myself and i. all of which, im blaming on the chemicals

apparently i got over it. because i here i am writing. to you. yes, you!

(which could be me, since sometimes i come to my blog and reread what ive written. im cool like that)

(but mostly for you)

herculean 2011 - part two

2011-07-13T09:10:00.000-07:00

man. we are half way through 2011 and i havent done ANYTHING herculean this year.

im horrible at new years resolutions. i mean trying to come up with 12 things that are AMAZING! is hard.

plus all the stuff i did last year was just stuff i did, i didnt plan it.

i can be a planner. but i can also be totally spontaneous. like two years ago, when i went to catalina for the first time, LBJ wasnt even two months old and i just said "lets do it!!!" (pretend i sound like ty from extreme makeover) ... and we left. thats how i roll people.

ive made three trips to disneyland with a toddler. thats pretty freakin herculean. im going to put that on my list for the end of the year as something ive accomplished.

i went shot gun shooting (no ccw for me yet), and was voted most improved in the few hours we were there. i mean, i could kill a boar. for sure.

ive attempted to potty train. no win on that situation yet though. but we are working on it. and i will overcome!!! (even though LBJ thinks there is a snake in our toilet...)

i went back to work part time. dang! thats totally herculean.

ok ok. im feeling better. the next few months will totally bring forth lots of herculean type opportunities, of which i will snatch up and have an awesome 2011 (as planned)!!!

dreams

2011-07-12T12:53:00.000-07:00

dreams are so weird.

last night i had a dream i went to the gym to meet a girl from church and work out. thats not weird. since this woman and i discussed doing that, and she just happened to email me yesterday.

what was weird was how there was some battle going on right in front of 24 hr fitness, and i was under attack. i had to dodge all kinds of flying debris and bombs, and who knows what else, to get in the door. the "dream me" was not at all phased by this. who wouldnt go to the gym in those conditions?

once i got inside there were 5 ladies there from church (i dont hang out with these ladies, i dont know where they came from), as well as a blogger. i saw this blogger (in real life) at the store last week - so i guess thats how she got in my dream. we were all around these weight machines, and i realized i forgot my gym clothes. and there was this whole discussion about whether or not i should go home to get them.

look. im telling you right now. im not going to the gym if there is a war going on in front of it. and if i was there and without gym clothes, i certainly would NOT go home (through the war) just to come back (through the war). that "dream me" was WAY more dedicated to getting in shape than the real me. dang!

im mobile people!

2011-06-28T11:34:00.000-07:00

not literally .. im not moving anything my my fingers right now.

but i set up my blog so people can read it on their phones! cool, huh!

i know, im probably behind the times. but since i have just you 12 special followers, i doubt that it has mattered much.

but now you can read my blog when youre at the dmv, via your phone. awesome, right?

but, just a side note, if you live in vegas, just head out to the dmv on decatur and you wont need any reading material. i NEVER wait at that dmv. and the employees are nice! it might be the only of its kind in the country.

the saurus

2011-06-25T21:04:00.000-07:00

i got some pretty awesome christmas gifts growing up. a bike, piano, a beautiful red velvet robe with a faux white fur neck. yes. you read that right. velvet robes are an AWESOME gift.

but i also received some weird gifts. when i was about 9 years old, i tore open the wrapping of a new book. i love new books! this one was big and thick. but it had bugs bunny and that little yellow bird on the front.

and the title was "TheSaurus". is this about dinosaurs??

i was incredibly confused. i remember wondering why my parents got me a HUGE book about dinosaurs, that was apparently going to be narrated by the looney tunes.

i put it away and didnt look at it again for a very long time. until i learned what a thesaurus was. about two years later. for two years i thought my parents got me a book about dinosaurs and bugs bunny. i wish i had a picture so i could show you how they made the 'S' look bigger in the title. it looked like two words, dangit!

i felt idiotic. and im sharing this tale with you now, because im writing an essay and am using thesaurus.com to find as many words for 'arrogant' as possible. but whenever i use a thesaurus, i remember, with great clarity, the moment of confusion when i opened that present.

and well ...

that's all, folks!

adult friends

2011-05-21T03:46:00.000-07:00

last night, as in thursday night (since it is still friday night to me if i havent yet gone to sleep at 330 am), i was very sad.

i hate being an adult. its so lame. the MOST lame thing for me is the inability i have to make friends as an adult. either a) i am way less awesome than i was in high school and college or b)... nope ... i have nothing else. this is the what ive decided the problem is.

its not you. its me.

last night was the ward's summer picnic in the park. or the may version of it. i think we have one at the end of summer too. none the less, we show up. i have my side dish. the same one i always bring ... tomato salad. i always come home with an empty bowl. either it looks appetizing, so people scoop it up and then hate it. or it looks appetizing and it actually is. if its not, i would hope these people would stop scooping it up.

back to why i was sad, because im obviously not sad that people like my tomato salad!

i am sad because i had no one to sit with! its just like lunch in high school on the first day. where do the popular kids sit? thats where i want to be. but they all know each other already, so i need to get in at another table where even if they arent cool, they are nice and want to go see the game on friday night (or whatever high schoolers do these days). let me just clarify, i dont know if there are actually "cool-tables" in the adult world. if there are, i have no idea who is sitting at them. what i do know, is im not sitting at that table or any other for that matter. we sat alone.

cue the sad face.

there were lots of groups of people sharing blankets and laughing. and then there was us. silent. and alone.

am i making you sad yet?

good. next time im sitting alone, pretend its because im SO cool people are intimidated by me, and then join me at the adult popular table. or the adult sci-fi/comic book table. or the adult drama club table. or the adult band table. or the adult jock table.

seriously. whatever you want it to be - i can make that happen. as long as im not alone.

2011-05-10T11:39:00.000-07:00

i know, everyone loves adele. i am not alone. and youve probably already been listening to this song on repeat for weeks, just like me.

what you probably haven't been doing is dancing like me. let me try to adequately describe my moves so you can imitate them at home. so im chest popping (of course, who wouldnt, when youve got what ive got), to the beat. raising my arms! raising my knees! stomping my feet!

ive got it! imagine african tribal dancing. i think that im doing something like that.

but the best part is when lbj wants to join in. so i pick him up like a little baby. and he holds on for dear life as i stomp and swing him around. all while going in circles. maybe ill make nathan tape this nonsense for you tonite and post it. that would be sweet.

im going to see if i can make that happen.

ch-ch-ch-changes

2011-05-10T10:44:00.000-07:00

things are a-changin here in the dee home.

things of which i cannot yet discuss. however, keep your eyes peeled for future posts that reveal our haps.

i will tell you right now though ... i am not pregnant. unless you know something i dont.
in which case you should tell me, so i can schedule the doc to take this iud out.

also ive started a personal journal. you know like all the good mormons out there. because maybe my posterity will want to read something more coherent than the ramblings here.

speaking of posterity and journaling. im just about to finish my psychology of latinos class. at the beginning of that class we had to talk about our family's struggles in immigrating to america, should we have a story like that to tell.
well since its a latino class, i wrote about nathans great-grandpa from mexico. and he had a journal. how interesting that is. so maybe someday there will be a great-granddaughter who really wants to know all about me and what i think.

also ive been sketching like its my job. picture of little boys and bunnies. want to know more? just wait ... ill let you know when i do what it all might mean.

2011-05-02T13:32:00.000-07:00

hey. are you wondering why theres no pictures on my blog?

no???

well. im going to tell you why, anyway.

its because i was without a camera for a very long time. i missed documenting so pretty big things too. like lbjs first day of school. or my first day back to work. what? that doesnt deserve a picture?

well no worries, fans! i have my camera back.

so i am sure ill get right on the picture taking.

and then hopefully the uploading.

and then the blogging about said pictures.

im not bragging ... im just recording

2011-05-02T13:28:00.000-07:00

ive been teaching lbj the alphabet. i had a goal to get it done by 18 months. because all one and half year olds can identify 26 letters, right?

no. who does that? who is the freak that puts a goal on that kind of thing!? apparently me.

but then around 16 or 17 months, just about when i realized that i wouldnt be meeting my ridiculous goal (seriously every time i write that i shudder), i gave up on it. again realizing that lbj moves on his own time table.

usually just about the time i decide i want to teach him something, he decides he doesnt want to learn it. then when i decide to stop teaching it, he decides he can do it. its our system now.

none the less, we have been practicing letters pretty regularly. and he loves to point out letters to me wherever we are. its actually really adorable when he starts shouting "P!!!! PPPPPPP! P!!!!P!!!PPPPPP! PPPPPPPPPPPP!" until i say, "yes very good. thats a P"

it was also cute when he would jump on the letter 'V' on the rug at preschool on his way out, and scream (and i do mean scream), "Veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

it was cute until he did it every day, and we had to do it multiple times until I literally was dragging him out the door. Who gets that excited over the letter V anyway?? I mean, what starts with V?

so he was shouting random letters to me. and he was identifying random letters that i would draw when we would color together. but i hadn't really "tested" his knowledge.

last night, i found a new show on netflix, it was a leapfrog ABC show. while watching it, he identified every single letter. and by identify, i mean "screamed at the top of lungs" every letter.

my chest was puffed out in pride. and i wanted to remember this day! so ... note to self:

remember may 1 as the day lbj identified the alphabet.

and the day the president announced bin laden is dead.

apparently, may 1 was a good day for everyone!

i love lbj ... but ...

2011-05-01T12:36:00.000-07:00

i am really looking to 830 am tomorrow when he goes to preschool.

granted ill be working. but im looking forward to it none the less.

this kid exhausts me sometimes.

pardon the interruption

2011-04-28T13:50:00.000-07:00

seven years ago today, i was baptized a member of the church of jesus christ of latter day saints.

i am very grateful for a friend who challenged me to change my lifestyle seven years ago. i dont know where or what i'd be today had she not. nathan thinks that deep down im a pretty straight arrow, and i would have been fine. but, who knows? its one of those what-ifs in life. but not the kind that you always wonder about, and think things could have been different, if not better.

i am happier now than i have ever been. i am more secure in knowing who i am. i am a daughter of god, who is loved. i am a member of his true church. which is an organization that does good not only for its members, but for everyone in the world community. i am a good, real example of the change that the gospel can bring into one's life.

i know there is a lot of animosity towards the church. i read all the comments in the religion section of the huffington post, people. but my choice hurts no one. it is a choice for me. a choice that my husband, and eternal companion, has also made. we made it separate from one another, but are now able to grow and learn together. i am constantly confused by the mean and hurtful things people say about the church. generally not about the members - as most of the comments start out with "all the mormons i know seem like nice people, but ...". however, i am comforted in knowing that i am one of those "nice people" (not to toot my own horn, or anything), and that in the end, i have faith that things will work out.

ah, to each his own. i am confident that i made the right choice seven years ago. i am happy and healthy.

i am blessed.

live!

2011-04-21T09:48:00.000-07:00

im not a huge niki minaj fan. she always weirds me out with that hair.

but i do like this song - moment 4 life.

why do artists think its cool to use numbers instead of words?

im not a fan.

the point of this post was to get the line that drake says:

everybody dies, but not everybody lives.

sometimes a rap song speaks to me. before it was dynamite. getting me up on my feet to dance.

but this song tells me something deeper. it says, live! because you are going to die. like everyone else.

it also makes me want to dance.

just sayin'

in case you forgot

2011-04-19T14:21:00.000-07:00

im a total nerd. and i LOOOOVE me some star trek.

im not a trekkie. or even a trekker, for that matter.

i dont think.

well, no matter.

here's what is important:
http://www.trektoday.com/content/2011/04/netflix-trek-streaming-to-begin-this-summer/

star trek. netflix. july 1.

thank. you. very. much. cbs.

another lame post by me

2011-04-19T10:58:00.000-07:00

i know i know.

i disappeared for a while ... then i came back and wrote two lame random posts.

and i lost two followers.

i know i only had 14 to begin with. but its still sad.

o well. too bad im not cool enough for them.

and those of you who are still here...please dont leave. i like seeing your little faces on the right side of my blog. smiling up at me. saying "nikki! write something! we love to read what you write!"

o. go on now. no really, go on. tell me more.

maybe ill get back into the swing of things. no promises though.

just a thought ...

2011-04-18T19:05:00.000-07:00

my kid is running around in the backyard with his shirt off. he looks a little plumber, with his shorts falling (you know what i mean). and hes got a huge potbelly sticking out from all his pizza eating lately. but despite the fact that this "look" would disgust me on a man 20 years his senior - on my baby its adorable!

is it weird....

2011-04-14T21:20:00.001-07:00

that i want to be pregnant ...

but i dont want a baby.

im just sayin

hey! dont you know, im supposed to be in charge!?

2011-02-16T12:38:00.000-08:00

i am exhausted. potty training is hard work. and whether or not lbj is ready is not the question anymore. it is "am i ready?"

i have to be a freakin vigilante doing this. heres the thing. lbj is really independent. he tells me "byebye" all the time to get me to go away when he is doing something that he wants to do alone. i think its hilarious and cute. but he has me trained people. that behavior has led me to believe that i can be working on homework or even (even!) blog while he is playing in his very own play room ... the one he got because he is so independent and needed his own space. do you hear me, blog?!? this kid owns me! and has manipulated me! and hes not even speaking in full sentences!!! ive been had, i tell you.

back to potty training. hes been giving me what i thought were signs ... like saying peepee and then actually going. i mean, if thats not a sign, what is? so we purchased ourselves a potty ... one that sits on the floor, or that you can put on the toilet. it was cheap. they had all different kinds, and they got up to $40. do you know that you can buy a real adult size toilet at costco for $80. you want me to spend $40 on a plastic tupperware bowl???? i think not.

last week in the afternoons, id let lbj roam naked. he would sit on the potty, lean forward and strain his little heart out. it was so funny. i thought, holy smokes, as soon as he gets something to come out, he'll be set!

then the weekend happened, and we were out and about and busy.

and then monday i was too tired to potty train, after a hard weekend. and yesterday ... i forgot what happened yesterday, but now its been 5 days without sitting on a potty.

we get up. the diaper comes off. and i sit on the couch. he asks to watch "cars" (again. for the 5th time in 3 days). we turn it on, i bring up my homework. but every five seconds i have to look up to be sure hes not peeing on the carpet. every 10 seconds im asking " do you have to peepee in the potty" in that singsong voice i always have when speaking to children. and every 10 seconds he laughs at me. literally. apparently his mother saying peepee is hilarious.

i cant get any work done. and im stressing out about the possibility that not only will he pee on my carpet, but that he'll do it so fast, that i wont notice. and in two hours ill be walking somewhere and feel wetness beneath me feet. gross.

this is hard work!!

finally 3 hours later hes in my lap, watching cars (sixth viewing), and i feel a trickle. "oh boy! lets pee in the potty" we are running to the toilet. hes holding his pee. what a good boy not to pee on his mum. we sit on the toilet. and nothing. he smiles at me and gets off and runs. i sit on the edge of the couch wondering what to do, when i hear it. the stream. on the wall behind me. at least its on the tile. i run to pick him up and deliver him to the toilet. where he smiles and gets up. gosh, that smile kills me!

i put him in a diaper. i cant handle this nonsense.

well ... no more. ill let you know when I'M ready for YOU to go peepee in the potty.

thank you very much.

love ya!

2011-02-14T09:29:00.000-08:00

happy valentines day, little blog.

since i started blogging 10 years ago as of this year, i thought maybe i should reflect on what changes in 10 years.

first of all, a lot.

10 years ago, on valentines day, i was in high school. we were buying cookie-grams, candy-grams, or some other 'gram' to give to our one true love (or .. our best friends).

in fact, every time a delivery person (some other school mate) walked into a classroom to interrupt the lecture/nap time (i had some serious senioritis) i had visions of getting a gram from a cute boy who had never before professed his love for me, but was taking this moment - this incredibly romantic holiday - to send me some chocolate, via the student council, to let me know that he wanted me to be his. probably forever. basically it was a marriage proposal, right?

suffice it to say, all my grams came from laurens and audreys, and other girlie names. if a boy did send me a gram, i have long since forgotten, as it was not the marriage proposal (or even the date-proposal) that i so desperately was hoping for.

fast forward ten years. as we lay in bed last night, i was day dreaming about my husband getting a babysitter. about how i would clean the house, so this secret babysitter wouldnt come over to a dirty home, and then i would shower and look beautiful when nathan arrived home. i was even going to straighten my hair. i had already told nathan two months ago where i wanted to go for valentines. and then again reminded him two weeks ago, upon his request. so i thought, for sure, he has the whole night planned out for us. then nathan rolled over and said something. i dont remember what exactly it was, but what i do remember was it meant we were not going to roys for seafood tonight.

but crab cakes really arent that important. im married to a loving husband. who i want to spend forever with. he puts up with me ... and that says a lot. we get along, nearly all the time. and we have a wonderful family.

the most important thing about today, is that i have a man signing my candy-grams. for today ... and always.

o man, im getting sappy.

enjoy valentines day, blog.

and ...

keep it classy!

blogging

2011-02-08T11:00:00.000-08:00

i dont talk really personal stuff on my blog.

its on the internets people ... and will be for-ev-er.

im pretty sure, with some clever sleuthing, people could find things out about me, that i probably am embarrassed by. i started blogging TEN YEARS ago. can you handle the nonsense?

ten years ago, i was 18, in college, and bashing floormates for taking food out of my fridge in the dorm without asking. it turned into a fight - weeks later - when my non-blogging friends found out i wrote about them. i was dating ... and writing about all my dates and who i was in love with that week. ugh. when i think about the things i shared ... oh dont make me think about it. i was drunk. thats my excuse. does that work?

ive been thinking of that salon article from a couple of weeks ago. yeah - the mormon mommy blogger one.

i dont think its a crime that lots of mormon moms (and lots of others too, lets be real) dont post all the crazy not nice not fun stuff online for the world to see. sure - theres bad days. where the kids rule the roost. and theres nasty food on your floor. and you dont care. youre in your pjs, under your blanket, just nodding along. and maybe, because its really not that bad - you post it. because its real. i think that, mixed in with all the pretty decorations and cute lil baby faces, are plenty of posts about what a hard day it was.

but for the most part - i think that there are a lot of "my life is AWESOME" posts. and thats ok. because i dont want to read your serious baby mama drama ... i want to be inspired by other people. maybe sometimes i get a little jealous .... a little blog envy ... but really, i mostly think, about the things that i CAN do. and how i SHOULD do them. to enrich my life. to enrich my family's life.

and maybe that's what this is all about ...mormon mommy bloggers and others .... inspiring others.

oddly ... ive been writing this post for a couple of days ... and my friend (and who i could totally be BFFs with if we lived in the same city, because she constantly inspires me), liz, just wrote about this. here.

her friend, M, ... who i like to pretend is my friend in my head ... also inspires me with all her creativity ... recently wrote about both the salon article, here, and the trials of being at home (here), and how its not constant roses and chocolate (what? apparently thats what i equate with awesomeness) ... refreshing

i love reading these girls blogs because they inspire and keep it real (but no drama)

im probably not all that inspiring on my blog. but i hope i inspire at home.

(nathan, feel free to comment here and give me some public props. thanks)

im not sure how to end this ... i think i had a lot of other things to say ... but im pretty sure no one wants to read a dissertation on blogging. so ill just stop here. and you can pretend this was a coherent post.

the end.

blargh!

2011-01-26T23:04:00.000-08:00

blargh!

thats my new word. ive been saying it in multiple situations:

"blargh! i want to eat your baby because shes so darn cute" (and yes, whenever i see cute babies, with fabulous cheeks, my first thought is to devour them. whole. with some ranch maybe?)

blargh! i cant find the remote, and now im forced to watch 5 episodes of amazing wedding cakes in a row!

blargh! im feeling down in the dumps and so im going to eat onion rings and pizza.

followed immediately by:

blargh! im so fat. i want to throw up!

blargh! im so excited to go to arizona!

and

blargh! its 11pm and i havent packed. havent cleaned. and havent finished my online classes. all of which i need to do if i want to leave at 9 am tomorrow for arizona. blargh! (that deserved TWO blarghs)

wondering how things have been going here? well now you know.

its PMS, pizza, and WEtv/lifetime/hallmark channel

and if i comment on your blog ... or make a FB status (or status response) ... using the word "blargh" - just pretend it means ANYTHING you want.

because thats what i do.

checking in

2011-01-24T00:41:00.001-08:00

I do not check in on lbj as he sleeps. In fact, i cannot recall a night in the last 19 months where i initiated a check in.

Apparently ... its not my thing. Dont get me wrong - ive seen my child sleep. After nathan goes in and then waves me in for a peek.

But tonight ... i was missing my lbj. Probably because nathan left town. And i was all by my lonesome.

I crept to the door ... turned the handle ... and it immediately made a large clanky noise. My thought was "oh crap. Just open the door and get in". But of course as i pushed the door open, it too made a huge creaky noise. So - with a clank and a creak, lbj wakes up. He said some indistinguisable word. And i debated whether or not to go in. Ultimately i still wanted to see him ... so in i went. As i walked in i pushed the door nearly closed behind me. Now, why cant i see lbj? Whenever nathan does this i can see his angelic face (the baby...not nathan. Though he has a very wonderful face too). Oh. I shut the door blocking out the hall light. So i open it ....with a creak. And lbj is on all fours trying to figure out why some crazy lady is making so much noise in his room at this ridiculous hour.
I rub his back. I think he falls back asleep. And then i slip out. Relatively silently.

The moral of this story ... there is a reason i do not check on sleeping babies. Leave that job to daddy. Otherwise i may end up a very unhappy awake mum at 1am with my equally unhappy baby.

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2011-01-20T00:48:00.000-08:00

i thought of something else herculean for 2011 ... earlier today

but i didnt write it down.

and my voice recorder has dead batteries in it. and so i let lbj use it as a pretend phone instead.

of course, i dont remember what the labor was. the whole point of my voice recorder was to prevent this very thing.

maybe in 2011, ill replace those batteries. but, no guarantee.

in case youre wondering - im losing weight. you can check in on my other blizzity blog. link's on the right. check it out.

herculean 2011 (part one)

2011-01-10T09:05:00.000-08:00

i have been working diligently (and by diligently, i mean about 10 minutes last week) on my "12 labors of my herculean 2011" ...

so far i have come up with a few things ...

i want to take some handgun classes, and get my CCW. why? absolutely no reason.

but Heracles had to kill a boar, and a deer, and lots of other stuff ... so i just want to be prepared.

He also had to clean some stables. look ... i clean up after lbj on a daily basis, isnt that enough? i also mop my floors EVERY monday. still not enough??

no? fine. i also vow to head up to red rock and participate in at least 6 red rock clean ups throughout the year.

ill need to get myself a backpack to throw lbj in for the ride.

look ... we all know that heracles was in good shape. i mean he was half-god, and all. i doubt i can look that good. but i am going to lose another 30lbs, and get down under 25% body fat.

i also have a HUGE ... and i mean HUGE ... desire for my fourth labor. nathan says he doesnt like it, and doesnt think ill do it. so im mulling it around. just wait for it blog. wait for it.

until i can come up with seven or eight more herculean efforts for 2011, these will have to do.

2011

2011-01-05T11:27:00.000-08:00

many people had a rough 2010. i know because lots of people blogged about it or put up a FB status message about it. and i dont need much more confirmation than those two highly reliable sources. generally its where i get my news, lets be honest.

2010 was not horrible for me. but i dont remember it being awesome either. i have a horrible memory. things i do remember from 2010:

i lost 30 pounds! awesome!

lbj turned 1. and grandma threw him the most spectacular party EVER! also, awesome!

my annual weekend of fun for july 4th with my bestie jojo and all our dc lub! awesome!

we went to chicago to visit jojo! awesome!

we went to boston to visit gg, bonnie and tommy ... awesome!

we went to yellowstone with the dee family ... awesome!

made my first wedding cake ... for tbone and samms wedding (finally) ... double awesome!!

went to disneyland with my family - lbjs first trip (which, ps, was a total success) ... awesomeness!

nathan surprised me with trip to disneyland - without lbj! MORE awesome!

headed out to catalina - for what seems to be an annual trip - AWESOME!

ok ... wait .... 2010 was AWESOME on top of AWESOME!

how am i going to top it??

first order of business - come up with a new word for 2011.

maybe 2011 will be stupefying, instead of awesome.

or wondrous?

marvelous?

incredible?

prodigious?

herculean?

thats probably it ... herculean. like that of heracles.

i am going to do 12 labours equal to those of the mythical hero.

i really like this idea. and am going to spend some time working out my 12 items to make 2011

HERCULEAN!

merry christmas!

2011-01-04T09:47:00.000-08:00

dang! what a great holiday season it has been!

we spent an awesome week in arizona with the whole dee clan. we were able to do a christmas eve dinner, see the temple lights, watch jordan perform. uncle tbone and auntie samm took lbj for a sleepover - which gave us a wonderful morning of sleeping in. they are the best! ben, debs and the kids drove down - and we all crowded into grandma and grandpas house. nathan and i were able to slip away for dinner at our besties - jordan and kaitlynns house. where i was most impressed by kaitlynns ability to put up christmas lights on her house all by herself. (we never have christmas lights, because nathan is afraid of heights ... and welll ... i guess im just too lazy too do it by myself). all the dee girls got to go out for a pedi/mani appointment ... we missed samm though, because she got sick :o( the boys went out for a boys night and saw true grit. nathan got to go golfing a couple of times. and i read two books while i was there. overall, it was pretty much amazing.

we were also overwhelmed with gifts - i pretty much can set up my very own wedding cake shop here in the house now that i have all the gear! nathan got a grill and beautiful leather jacket! lots of books (as usual) and lbj ... well he got so much that we are going to turn the downstairs office into a play room. literally. he got so much i have no where to put it all. he got his baby laptop, which im super excited about - since it means he wont touch mine anymore. and a quiet book for church. which we will only have to use for one hour, now that hes going to nursery!!!

but lbj was most excited about getting his cookie monster.

as usual there isnt much to say - but he gets so flippin excited he runs in circles. he cannot control himself.

just watch the video! (its a bit long, sorry)

the link

2011-01-04T09:33:00.000-08:00

http://www.mynews3.com/category.php?id=5403&n=5037

if you click here - for only today i think - you can see me and lbj on the 5 oclock news.

if you click on the link you should be watching the 5o'clock news. if not - click on the "newscast on demand" on the right, and click on the news at 5 segment.

just go ahead and hit play, on that first video (its a picture of our new governor) you can see us running around at the 30second mark.

then you can try and fast forward to the 3:00 minutes - and youll see our interview (where i look like a total dork)!

i dont want to admit it ... but i watched every commercial and every news segment at noon, 4, 5, and 6 ... just to glimpse myself on tele. totally ridiculous. but also awesome.

Publish Post

know what else is awesome? lbj saw us on tele, and pointed and said "mommy! mommy!"

YESSSS! he does know me!!

this actually might work too:

snow day!

2011-01-03T14:16:00.000-08:00

it was a christmas miracle! snow fell in las vegas, and stuck!

when i woke up this morning, and saw the winter wonderland outside, i immediately got lbj ready for a snow day.

we started out in the backyard, where lbj tried to mow the lawn. nashdee tried to eat the snow balls. it was interesting.

after breakfast we headed back out - to the park. which turned out to be great. lbj had a blast, and we ran into another mom and her boy and we made a snowman together. well im actually just going to take credit for it, when actually the other lady did all the work. i was mostly proud that my kid didnt knock it over - since that is his new thing.

but the best part of the day was when i told myself - nikki, you should put on some makeup before you head to the park.

wanna know why?

because i got interviewed by channel three news. turn it on tonight people - i will be there. talking about how awesome i am. and how awesome las vegas is. lbj will be there too. he probably got more camera time than me. but im pretty sure the camera guy wanted to film me more - but i told him, hey, you gotta focus on the kids, man. i did try to position myself, however, so that i was in practically every shot. even the ones of the other mom and her kid.

here are a couple of pictures of the day ... and dont forget to wake up with the wagners. no wait ... thats the early morning show. well whatever - just turn on the news tonite - channel 3. before john ralston comes on. you should see me in all my glory. and lbj too. being the cutest baby at the park. (especially since he was the only baby at the park)

my bum is cold!

2010-12-06T12:54:00.000-08:00

theres a lot of things i dont like about winter. i am vegas born and bred. i like my heat, thank you very much.

and so winter is my least favorite time of year.

we lived in utah for a minute. we made it through the first winter. by the time the first snow fell on my face the next winter, we were packing up and leaving (literally).

but let me tell you what i hate MOST about winter. as it starts getting cold outside, my toilet seat gets cold.

and i despise it.

sometimes nathan opens the window in our bathroom. and forgets to close it later. and then at 10pm as im getting ready to go to bed, i open the door, a swoosh of cold air hits me, and i know ... KNOW ... my butt is in for it.

thanks nathan. for nothing.

id elaborate on this topic ... but i dont think its necessary. you know what im talking about. and its worse if you live where its cold. i hate going to the bathroom when i visit boston for christmas.

if im ever rich and famous i am def investing in heated floors and heated toilet seats.

ill probably be featured on HGTV for insanely awesome bathrooms around the US.

look for it in the coming years.

2010-12-04T09:46:00.001-08:00

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dear sesame street,

2010-11-24T11:57:00.001-08:00

i love you. and what you do.
the end.

no titles ... just blogging

2010-11-23T15:49:00.000-08:00

i just cant seem to shake this down feeling.

i got pretty bad a couple of weeks ago. the worst its been in years. the kind of bad when youd rather not be "here". i think im coming up and out of that phase. but im not beyond it completely - and certainly not out of the funk all together.

the thing that makes "here" better and worth it - lbj.

he is the light in my days

(although yesterday at 527pm i thought, "really? this was a good idea? having kids?")

he is the light even when im on the couch under my blanket in such a funk that i cant move.

pbs has been my lifesaver during this down time. but let me tell you! lbj does know his letters B and C. so, thank you sesame street. special thanks to cookie monster. man, does my kid love you and want to copy everything you do and say. i wonder if he babysits and/or tutors? i can pay in cookies!

lbj has also taken to kissing all the animals and monsters in his books. his favorite books for me to read right now are "are you my mother?" and dr. seuss' "ABC". whenever an animal appears on the page he leans forward and kisses the book. its really adoable. except it makes me sad that hes become really stingy with kisses for mommy. really? maybe if i let my lips chap out, theyll be rough as paper, and he'll want to kiss that nonsense.

hes doing all kinds of other funny stuff. like last night - he was walking around the room hunched over and lifting his legs really high. we thought maybe he was trying to be all "stealth-like" sneaking up on grandma. (heres a hint lbj - when you are out in the open area, anyone and everyone can see you. youre going to have learn how to hide better, or else youll never pull a successful prank)

things that are not funny - his incessant touching of the xbox and wii. and looking over his shoulder at me right before he does it - just to test my patience. in my funk, i havent been very good about being consistent with discipline. so i suppose its not all his fault. sometimes i let him touch the buttons. and sometimes i dont. hows he supposed to know what kind of mood im in? i mean, couldnt he just learn to mind read - just the way i expect nathan to?

heres lbj lighting it up

...the fun never ends here...

2010-11-19T02:28:00.000-08:00

yet another video of lbj eating ...

and the third post in a row about either him or us eating ...

we do other things than eat.

but since i dont drink, do drugs, watch rated r movies, or swear (ok - sometimes one slips out) - eating is about the most fun thing that i do.

anyway ...

on with the show!

may or may not

2010-11-16T17:47:00.001-08:00

I may or may not be in my car right now in my pajamas. lbj may or may not be in the car in his footie pajamas. We may or may not be on our way to jack in the box for free tacos. For dinner.

im just saying ... i might be starting an irreversible trend for my son. Pjs all day ... all night.

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"look ma! no hands!"

2010-11-15T20:19:00.001-08:00

there are no words. this is just funny.

the end.

i was hiding under your porch because i love you

2010-11-02T10:08:00.000-07:00

reasons i love this mutt:

1) he really honestly believes hes a lap dog. and therefore curls into the smallest little ball on my lap on the couch. and he LOVES to cuddle. just ask kim.

2) i can pet him without bending over at all. we can stand side by side with my hand on his head. a little "i love you" from me to him.

3) he has been a lovely companion since gusgus has gone. i cant imagine my life without my dogs. and am so glad that nashdee is around to show me some awesome unconditional love.

4) he loves lbj, and lbj loves him back. nashdee lets lbj get on his back and wrap his little arms around his neck. and i just love it. i love to watch lbj walk up to nashdee, squat, and place a fatty b fatty kiss right on nashdees chest. in the morning i left nashdee into the babys room first, and lbj squeals with delight. nashdee sniffs lbjs face, and gives him kisses. they are prit much best friends. (and, why i tell myself i dont need another baby so lbj can have a friend)

(this is how lbj gets on nashdee. and nashdee lets him. whatta dog)

can we have halloween every day?

2010-11-01T14:08:00.000-07:00

the best halloween ever!

(this is a long post ... so feel free to skim it SLASH not read it ... but i had to write it all out since i have the worst memory and may forget the time when lbj made me laugh for hours in one night)

we went to our very first (well for lbj and me) trunk or treat on wednesday night. our costumes where the bride of frankenstein and her mad scientist creator, dr. frankenstein. ever since lbjs hair got long and crazy we knew he had to be a mad scientist. so i tried to create a family theme - nathan was to be the frankenstein monster, but opted out. i have never been to a trunk or treat. i thought everyone dressed up. as i got out of my car (very carefully, my hair was in a precarious position) i saw lots of little kids in costumes, and no adults in costume. i kinda freaked. luckily, as i was about to have a panic attack right in the parking lot of the church building, i saw some adult friends dressed up. PHEW.

(bride of frankenstein and her creator)

trunk or treat went by horribly, in my opinion. first of all, lbj was being trampled by children (when the invitation reads "first 200 kids receive door prize", you know theres gonna be a gobazillion kids). with all the activity he was not understanding how to get the candy or put it in his pumpkin. when we get back to our trunk, to help nathan hand out candy, we quickly run out. and when i say quickly, i mean, give or take 8 minutes. i spent around 70$ on candy ... and we still had to turn away kids. we were the lamest trunk at the trunk or treat for sure.

between lbjs lack of understanding and my lack of knowledge ... i wasnt having high hopes for sunday.

since all our candy was gone in the 10 minutes we spent at church on wednesday, we decided to bum off my parents and hand out their candy at their house. i got all dressed up again. because its fun for me. and we got lbj all dressed up to perfection. and once it was dark, nathan, lbj, grandpa and i went trick or treating. since he didnt get it on wednesday, i was pretty sure we were going to hit up three houses and head home.

we walk across to house one. the lady LOVES lbj. (who doesnt?) she puts a candy in his pumpkin. she puts in another. but candy number three, lbj takes from her, and puts it in his pumpkin himself. we all laugh. thats a cute thing to do. we leave, and head to house two. where he doesnt even wait for the man to put the candy in his pumpkin, he just takes it right away and puts it in himself. by house four, hes got the picture. we walk up, she holds out a bowl - and he takes TWO! to put in his pumpkin. we start talking - and i look down, and lbj is loading up! taking candy while we arent looking! by house six he is taking the candy and running away to the next house before we can even say "thank you. happy halloween".

all three of us were laughing at this kid. i couldnt believe how much he liked trick or treating.

unfortunately we end up at a house with no one home - so i tell lbj we have to go. he falls to ground sobbing! he wants his candy! i really couldnt stop laughing.

but the next time we got to a house with no one home - he knocked on the door himself! he was going to knock and knock til someone came! from then on, i let him knock on all the doors. we didnt even know he really knew how to do that (i didnt think knocking on the bathroom door while i take 30 seconds to myself transitioned to knocking for candy).

i think we went to at least 15 houses. and lbj wouldnt have stopped except i made him. mean ole mummy.

next year, i think we are going to have a hard time calling it quits, he wont be so easily persuaded.

once we got home, we showed grandma our very full pumpkin. in fact, it was so full, lbj had trouble carrying it by himself near the end. then - like hes known how to do halloween all his life - he takes out the candy one by one from the pumpkin to inspect it and decide what to eat.

he hands a candy to me and says, "pease!" and "cookie!" ... because obviously cookies and candies are interchangeable. and what you are also probably realizing is that my kid knows what cookies and candies are. yes. yes he does. i am not above giving him a cookie or candy to stay quiet while nathan and i eat dinner. or while we are driving to arizona (or even the grocery store).

the other really funny thing that lbj did during the evening was his grunting. he likes to actually walk up and down stairs now, but he has to be holding someones hand, because he doesnt have all the necessary skills to do it on his own yet. he started grunting with each step. like it was really hard work to get up and down the stairs. "ehhh" "uuuuhhh" over and over again. and he got progressively louder as the night wore on.

one of the houses was verrrry scary. she did a great job with all her fog and decorations, and lbj was a little tentative walking through the courtyard. but once we got in, the woman had a singing and dancing frankenstein, and as soon as we were close enough to see and hear it, lbj starting dancing. when he dances, it looks like he cant help himself, like its completely involuntary. again, hilarious. and the woman thought he was adorable, dancing and taking candy at the same time. again, who wouldnt?

overall, it was an awesome experience. he did a great job. and i am wondering when he is going to ask me to knock on peoples doors again - because why wouldnt we do that every day?

(i couldnt draw on lbjs goggles alone on wednesday. but with dads help i got them drawn on sunday. i also tried a different method for my hair on sunday)

(doesnt he look like he is actually working on a science experiment? well, he is setting off the fog in the courtyard)

(grandpa, his nail in the head, and lbj)

one last note - my dad says to me, after being at his house for over an hour, "nicole, you know who you remind me of? the bride of frankenstein" really, dad? what gave me away?

sometimes i clean

2010-10-21T13:29:00.000-07:00

let me say that right after i wrote my funky post, i asked nathan to invite our best friends over. i was in need of multiple levels of companionship.
i needed my baby, and my dog, and especially my husband. but i also needed some friends to come over and share all their good news.

of course - that meant i needed to clean house. i couldnt have them coming over to nastiness (is that a word?).

so i cleaned. and i did feel a little better. and i felt even a little better after our friends came over.

dont misinterpret me. i am still feeling funky. yesterday was better. mostly because i didnt have to do anything.
nathan goes to class on wednesday nights from 6 til 9. so i have a couple hours to myself after lbj goes down. so at 655 (the earliest i have ever put lbj down. but i needed some me time), i went into my bathroom and lit a gobazillion candles. opened the windows so i could hear the rain, and poured myself a hot bath.
i made myself a coke. got a good romance book. put one a thick facemask. and relaxed til the water was lukewarm. i also did a huge exfoliation of my face and body with my susan lucci youthful essence microdermabrasion kit. thanks susan!!

while not completely cured of my funk. i feel like i might be on the upswing.

plus its nice after all that relaxing to come downstairs and see a clean house. and i think that is where im going with this ...

actually im not sure where i was going....

but let me leave you with this:

susan lucci has been nominated 21 times for a daytime emmy for her role as erica kane on AMC.
she has only won once ... this is not that time ...

help! im in a funk and i cant get out!

2010-10-19T15:43:00.000-07:00

yeah. i used the "ive fallen and cant get up" catchphrase from 1989.

did you know it was 1989 when that commercial appeared? over 20 years ago! and people are still laughing at it. at least i am.

huh ... that lifted my funk for a couple of seconds.

truth be told. ive been in a funk for a couple weeks now. and i cant seem to snap out of it. ive gained 5 fabulous pounds during this funk. awesome. really, that alone should get me to snap out of it. or how about how im not really nice to anyone when im in a funk. how about how my parents wanted to take me for a steak dinner for my birthday, and i didnt want to go (dont worry. i sucked it up for the night and ate my heart out).

i googled how to get out of funk. you know, google is my know-all-be-all for information.

some things i found:

Horse Wisdom

Create an exquisite place of oneness with collective wisdom of the horse ancestors by allowing a horse to breathe rhythmically and through this rhythm, be engaged eye to eye, breath to breath. Feel the “alayayujnana..or storehouse of consciousness” and whala! Funk is gone.

ok - what? i had to read it a few times. is this telling me to go out to a ranch and meet eye to eye with a horse. uhm, im short. i cant see eye to eye with a horse. or is this telling me to commune with dead horse spirits. either way. weird.

Spend Quality Time With a Child

this is one of the few moments in life where i actually laughed out loud at my computer screen (all other times where when nathan and i met online back in 2004 and he used all his funniest lines to woo me).

Write It Out

....doing it...

Go For a Walk

....did it....

One man wrote a whole article explaining how and why I am in a funk, stating:

The only way to get yourself out of a funk is to understand that you have created a powerful vibrational field around yourself ...When you are in the middle of a powerful vibrational field, you begin to resonate very strongly to it. If the vibrational field is strong enough, it may feel as if you are karmically trapped in the incident. But of course you aren't! Karma is just vibrational resonance. It is your personal resonance to something that you have created!

So I need to change my vibrator? (that was totally inappropriate i know. but i couldnt help myself)

Why dont we just agree to the fact that im here. in this funky place. with or without horse spirits.

and until i get out - dont expect me to clean the house.

(this may or may not have been an elaborate setup to get me out of the housecleaning)

ps ... thought i ought to site my source for that mans vibrations: you can find it here

wish you were here ...

2010-10-12T15:54:00.000-07:00

i spent the entire month of september traveling. jealous? i know.

i think i was home for 6 days, and not consecutive days .. just 6 random days of september.

we spent some time down in arizona. i love getting down there to hang with the dees. i love them all, and we do tend to get loud and obnoxious when we are together. and thats the way i like it. (im already looking forward to christmas)

then i took a last minute trip to boston. lbj did pretty freakin fantastic on the planes. he has had quite a few hops to phoenix. and we did chicago back in april. but this was a long haul across the country. but thanks to fantastic help from grandma derosa (and the extra seat she bought for lbj) we made the trip like veterans. im not gonna lie, but, im pretty sure i have the best baby around. we spent some time in the city. a couple hours at my most favorite childhood spot - the childrens museum. and lbj could have spent hours there. he wouldve skipped lunch and nap and been just fine with it. however - when mum gets hungry, as we all know, its time to eat. im a grumpy lil sucker when i dont get food. and yet, i cant figure out why i cant lose more weight. weird.

(on the carousel near faneuil hall)

(grandma and lbj on the swan boats)

once we were back from boston, nathan had a surprise trip planned for me. to california! it was prit much amazing. you can read about it here. or not. whatever.

anyway, im home for awhile. so hopefully ill be back to blogging, better than ever.

winning the superbowl

2010-10-12T15:53:00.000-07:00

nope. i didnt really win the superbowl. but i do love the disneyland/world commercials.

(yeah, this made me tear up. what?)

for months nathan has been planning a surprise. over the months i got these clues:

1) i would know where we were going once we were on the road (whether that mean because of direction, or because thats when he was going to tell me, i dont know)

2) i was to pack comfortable clothes, and walking shoes.

3) when i started to pack my black flats, i was told "youll never wear those" "NEVER?!" "well, no. maybe for like an hour" .... im going to be gone for 7 days. in that entire time, ill have one hour to wear my nice black flats?? where the heck am i going?

4) i was to pack a separate bag for lbj.

5) lbj needs a baby jacket

6) i may need a light weight jacket or sweatshirt

7) i am told repeatedly, "dont get too excited. its not that great"

now, our best friends were also going on a surprise trip for their anniversary. i thought they were going to disneyland, because that had been mentioned to me before. but, never confirmed.

thursday before our trip, jordan and kaitlynn come over. and jordan gives kaitlynn a bag. she pulls out some disney princess paraphernalia and some big box candies. she quickly deduces they are roadtrippin to dland. screaming ensues. i am totally jealous. just that day i was looking up the temps in sedona, because i had decided that is where we were going for a few days of relaxation. a few things that nathan said to me during the day had led me to believe i was on that right track with that guess. so, im watching kaitlynn celebrate, and im wishing that was me. nathan hands me a bag. i still honestly believe that im going to sedona. or flagstaff,or somewhere else in the middle of the desert. and no where near as cool as the happiest place on earth.

i open it up, and immediately see something pink and shiny with some disney princess on it. more screaming ensues. we are going together (kaitlynn blogged it too ... here). and then im off to catalina for the rest of the week with my fab sisterinlaw kelly and baby cooper. DANG! a whole week away. a few days without lbj. and im stoked.

the first day we got to cali, we dropped lbj off with grandma dee at long beach, where they got on the ferry to catalina. nathan and i drove to anaheim, where i promptly got into bed, and had food delivered to my room. i relaxed like i havent in 15 months. lbj is napping now. but im just waiting for that moment when he wakes up and its back to mom duty. but when you have 4 days to yourself, i quickly and easily turned it all off and started relax. of course the next morning, at dland, after our first ride, i decided id never go back without lbj. i had a fab time. and that feeling wore off pretty quick. but i think from now on, we stay at the disneyland hotel, and use the babysitting service at night for alone time, and spend the day together. or just do day trips, like we did in may with my family. (argh - i can already see the dollar signs piling up)

anyway - ill let some pics explain. but suffice it to say, we had an amazing time in disneyland. then i hopped on the ferry to catalina, where we spent most days sitting on the empty beach, relaxing (slash chasing birds).

thanks to an amazing husband who planned an awesome surprise week away for the family.

and catalina:

what i am is special

2010-10-12T14:49:00.000-07:00

i am incredibly sentimental. nostaligic. i want to do certain things because it was how it was done when i was a kid. i had a great childhood, and i want lbj to look back on these formative years with the same kind of fondness.

we watch sesame street, because i watched sesame street. sometimes i am sad because i wonder - where is big bird? and grover? and snuffy?? of course the show up on occasion. but its mostly elmo, abby, and murray. and really, thats ok. when lbj is watching the 65th season of sesame street with his kids, he will wonder where elmo is. and he will remember his elmo doll, and his elmo chair. just like i remember my very large big bird stuffed animal. as big as me. i loved him.

the new season of sesame street has begun. and i am quite entertained. i am appreciative that CTW has the creativity to engage parents into their programming as much as the little ones. when i want to watch and engage, then it helps lbj to watch and engage.

so far - i am loving will.i.ams new sesame street song. we play it in repeat around here, actually.

how can i get this on our ipod, so we can listen to it on road trips?

maybe its because of the trauma that ive experienced in my life - but i hold on dearly to the things that make me feel childlike. and i love the lessons that are taught in so many of the books and videos that i read and watch with lbj. they are simple, yet effective. and a true reminder of who we are and who we can be.

this song is just that for me. i am special, (i know, you knew that) and i can do anything i put my mind to.

including being a good mum for lbj.

(i think ill spend a few blogs sharing with you other books and videos that share that message. a reminder to us adults. and good first lessons for our children)

ps.

sesame street is hilarious. need proof?

here:

theres nothing better ...

2010-09-01T22:58:00.000-07:00

theres really nothing better than watchinh a star trek movie ... by myself ... in a clean house ... after freshly painting and updating my living room.

i spent two days painting the living room mint. we call it our mint chocolate chip room. and we like it. for now.

and now im relaxing taking in my hard work.

i was going to post my dorky star trek love to FB but i really only wanted to share it with, oh, i dont know ... 12 of you. rather than 243.

just a fyi ... its the one that has both captain kirk and captain picard. and data gets an emotion chip. man, hes funny.

we gonna light it up, like its dynamite

2010-08-20T13:03:00.000-07:00

im not scared.

im not scared of you seeing me in my car jamming out.

it happens every time im in the car. i try to refrain from doing it when people are in my car. but if you pull up next to me at the stoplight, be prepared. its like my car is the latest, hippest club in town. at 1030am. on its way to the park with lbj. with our sand toys in tow.

thats how we roll people.

i never understood people who are embarrassed to have people catch them singing in the car. look, i dont want to brag or anything, but if a producer could hear how i sound in my car (it must be the acoustics in there), id be a freakin billionaire by now. im just sayin.

i once read someone who blogged about her fear of someone seeing her sing in the car. so she would put her cell up to her ear, to pretend she was talking on the phone. i dont know. maybe shes not driving a toyota, or something. because if she had the acoustics i have, she would not be shying away from such a heavenly sound. (yup, i just compared my voice to angels, people.)

in addition. i have moves that rival those of the most trained dancers on the planet. i google moves. i see them performed on youtube. and then i practice them with lbj. he seems to think im pretty good. so, you can imagine how awesome i look, seat dancing and singing really loud. on my way to costco. to get a 1$ hot dog and drink.

lbj is going to love his teenage years.

for nate and kim ...

2010-08-19T11:29:00.000-07:00

this is what i think of you two ...

(not my best work, but it'll do)

ive got someone's secret!

2010-08-17T12:19:00.000-07:00

my husband has a secret. and since ive figured it out, im going to share it with you.

when i open up a new tab on the internet, it pulls up screen shots of the most recently visted or most frequently visited sites.

lets pretend, for the sake of this conversation, that they are the most frequently visited sites.

so, of course, facebook shows up. gmail. igoogle. craigslist. pretty normal, understandable websites.

but what do i see ... next to craigslist, but a website called "mugglenet.com"

mugglenet.com????

what the heck is that? i click on it. and it is a website purely devoted to 'arry potter and his gang. on the front page, it lists all the birthdays coming up. so for example, JK Rowlings birthday was shown. That's fine. shes a real person, with a real birthday. but, then it proceeded to name all the august birthdays for the characters.and not just harry. but these characters ive never heard of. its just weird to me.

the night that i saw this website, i mentioned something about the authors birthday. just to see if nathan had any inkling that ive caught on to this weird obsession he has. he didnt. weird. so i had to actually tell him i caught him.

then last night he says, you know we're finally into double digits before the next movie comes out.

i asked, did you get that from mugglenet.com?

he laughed and said, i mightve. or i might have actually counted out all the days on my calendar.

....

my husband is a freak. an HP freak. he used to be in the closet, as it were. but since ive figured out his secret, he seems to think he can tell me these weird tidbits of information. but its just kind of weird ... especially when he does things like he did last night. as we were going up the stairs last night he did a spell (???) and then said (completely seriously), i wouldnt be surprised if one day owls came and started dropping off letters for me here.

i guess as long as he cleans up after them, i dont care.

my mother's daughter's son

2010-08-13T20:16:00.000-07:00

ive been wondering if my mum felt about me the way i feel about lbj.

wait! i know she loved (and still loves) me. i just mean, im so flipping amazed and proud of him almost all the time.

sometimes i want to scream and pull my hair out. if you happen to come by my house at the time, you will be able to hear lbj screaming (what i can only imagine would be obscenities if he knew them). and youd be able to hear it from the street. thats because ive put him in his crib. its for his own safety really. and the book said i could and should do that if im about to lose it.

but ... this was supposed to be about how proud i am. so back to that.

honestly, i just want to brag about him. about the things he does. but what he does is no different than what any other 14 month is probably doing. thats why i cant understand why i get so excited. every morning, i go in to get him, and he points to his books and asks me a question (i assume, based on the intonation of his voice). and so we sit down and read. and we do the same thing after nap time. i am so amazingly proud that he loves books so much. and that he he can point to them and let me know he wants me to sit in our big arm chair and read with him.

it doesnt seem so exciting typing it out. but i love it, nonetheless.

while he was "reading" to me today, i wondered about my mum. and what i was like as a baby. and if im like her now.

theres no answer to this question. i didnt ask her at dinner. because thats just weird.

(but blogging about it totally isnt, right)

the night the nachos won

2010-08-03T12:02:00.000-07:00

by 530 last night, i was dying. i think literally. but, i could be wrong.
(doubtful, though)

for a whole week we took our hcg and we ate our 500 calories a day. and we each lost about 5pounds.

but for the first few days i thought that nathan might start crying at any moment.

and then the last few days, i did cry at any moment.

let me just explain what happened yesterday. first, as you know, lbj is teething his brains out right now. and all i wanted to do was eat. and since i couldnt i laid on the couch. because the next best option was sleeping. when you are weak and hungry, thats all you do. its all i did at least. dont judge me.

but i knew i had to go to costco. i was running low on things, and this diet required that i be cooking at home every night. so i finally managed the strength to get in the shower at around 230. i was dragging myself. kind of like a mummy. or frankenstein. or something. you know what i mean.

lbj and i get ready. and hit up costco. i want to buy a huge canister of cashews. i dont even eat/like cashews. but at that moment, as i walked into the store and saw the huge display of a years worth of cashews for only 10$, all i wanted was cashews.

we went about our shopping. buying only the things i needed. go to the check out, and wait a gobazillion years to check out. because apparently everyone thought, like me, monday wont be so busy at costco. boy, were we wrong. i swipe my amex. and sign.

and unfriendly cashier man says: "your card says its expired".

me: im sorry? what?

UCM: your card. see. it says right here (pointing to checkout readout thingee) expired.

me: (looking at my card. says 7/10. i dont actually even know what month it is. so he could be lying) oh. ok. (eyes burning). well i guess ill have to come back another time. you dont take visa or mastercard, right?

UCM: No. SUP!!! I NEED A SUP!!!

me: (eyes really burning) (UCM looking right at me) i'm really sorry about this.

UCM: (turns away. ignores my apology completely)

me: ....or not?

UCM: SUP!!! I NEED A SUP!!

i grab lbj and nearly run out of the store. for those who need a reminder, i have moderate to severe anxiety. there are days when i will not go shopping by myself. so when i do make it out of the house, and venture into what i think is the big bad scary world - i do not want to be treated like ... POOH.

i did not realize my card was expired. i dont look at the expiration date. i expect amex to send me a new card. and i didnt purposefully show up at costco, put a bunch of stuff in my cart, just so i could wait in line for 10 minutes, just to piss off you, mister. unfriendly. cashier. man.

i got in the car. and cried. i was utterly embarrassed. and upset that this guy couldnt accept my apology for whatever it was that i did wrong.

i got home. with no diapers. which we really needed. (i procrastinate)

i tell nathan the story. he offers to run to albertsons. and then we discuss the diet. and how miserable i am.

and in my wounded state after costco. i gave in.

nathan went to robertos and got me nachos. (yes. thats what we broke our diet on. horrible fatty nachos. and im ok with that)

we also made and wrote down a plan to go to the gym four times a week.

we have to pay for child care, and decided it was worth it.

anything was worth it after a week of starving.

and there, my friends, is the story of how the nachos won.

extra! extra!

2010-08-02T10:55:00.000-07:00

heres the newsflash for today

teething babies and mums on the hcg diet dont mix well

i know what youre thinking, blog: "duh". but i am the one dealing with it and perhaps if i get it on paper (or computer) then th problem will seem more .... manageable?

doubtful.

i really want to keep up this diet.

but i really want a hamburger.

me vs. the hamburger

who will win???

i cant drive 55

2010-07-28T08:49:00.000-07:00

i have two problems in life

(yes. i like to imagine that there are only two)

number one. i am always late. if i have been on time to your event, consider yourself one of the lucky few. i set all my clocks at different times, so that way it forces me to get ready faster (do not tell me that it doesnt work. because i like my fantasy world, thank you very much). my bedroom clock is ... 16 or 18 minutes fast .. something like that. my car clock is 10 minutes fast. well actually, and hour and 10 minutes, because i never changed the hour after our trip to idaho. and our oven and microwave used to be wrong. but nathan wont let that happen anymore. so i just avoid looking at them.

if you tell me to be somewhere at 6pm, i tell nathan we have to be there at 530pm. if he believes it and starts getting ready, i kind of believe it. and sometimes that helps me. probably what would work best - is if you tell me to be somewhere a half hour ahead of time. then ill plan for an extra half hour - and FOR SURE i would be on time. (i know i just jinxed myself)

second problem. i have a lead foot. perhaps this is a byproduct of always being late. as im running out of the house, putting my earings in, i think to myself, "self, we need to speed like its our job to get to (insert anything here) on time." as im backing out of the driveway, putting on mascara ... really?!? ive probably had hours to prepare, and im still getting ready?!? ... i definitely have one thing on my mind. and its not the cops who are perched and waiting for my speeding self to go by. what you may or may not know about me is the amount of tickets i have gotten in my life. its actually too many to count.

point of story? dont expect me to be on time. and do expect me to show up with a story about crying to a police officer.

the end.

(ps please tell me know where the title of the post came from. my husband doesnt know. and it KILLS me)

followers of me!!!

2010-07-27T12:08:00.001-07:00

hey ... guess what ... ive got 10 followers!

i know thats peanuts.

PEANUTS, people, PEANUTS.

but its so cool to have double digits.

thanks callie ann and kristin for joining. its FAB!

busy work

2010-07-27T09:13:00.000-07:00

nathan and i are prit much best friends. i know ... i know ... how cliche, "i married my best friend". the truth is i dont know if he was really my best friend five and half years ago. i was just really really in love with him.

but now, most days and nights there is only one person with whom i want to spend time. there is only one person with whom i want to travel. and dont get confused ... lbj is not much of a travel companion yet. i am perfectly content spending most time with nathan.

that is why i am SO excited for our trip to ireland and scotland. we are going to spend inordinate amounts of time together. just me and him. we stayed up til 1am the other day picking out a trip. looking up flights. talking about the sites to see. it was magical. i cant wait to go back to ireland and show nathan the country i love.

ever since we started planning the trip, i cant stop thinking about it. i am so utterly consumed with thoughts of staying up late and going to pubs. and then stopping on the street to get kebabs or chips. mmmm. i think about the castles. and kissing the blarney stone. going to cork, and showing nathan my old house. that little yellow house on barrack street. where every morning it smelled like yeast (thanks the the beamish factory, which has since closed). i think of the aran islands and buying lbj a lil wool sweater, that he'll never be able to wear, because its just not that cold. and i think about running into old friends. how sweet.

all this thinking and dreaming has me very busy. and i am just wondering ... do you think i will get anything done in the next four and half years until this trip actually happens? im just saying, as we speak, i am googling ireland trips, golfing in ireland and scotland, and places to stay.

o well. only about 1757 days to go.

(how much dust do you think could collect if i really didnt do anything til then?)

he is my son

2010-07-19T14:56:00.000-07:00

in the mornings i turn on sesame street for lbj.

(we watch tele. i hate a silent house. so sue me.)

i was pretty sure that lbj knew who elmo is. he received a talking elmo for christmas, i always sing the song to him, and when he comes on screen, i say "hi elmo!!" and wave. you get the picture.

for his birthday my mum got him this plush elmo chair. lbj hasnt stopped sitting in it since he got it. i say "wheres elmo? sit in your elmo chair" and he walks right over and sits in it.

well, it shouldnt surprise me then, that when elmo came on the tele a few weeks ago, that lbj started waving to him. they are practically best friends, you know.

what does surprise me though is this:

at 4 pm that same day, it was time for star trek:TNG. we watch it every tuesday. when the theme music came on, lbj sat in front of the tele dancing a little bit. no big deal, its music right?

but then he starts waving.

apparently lbj knows two things about television:

one) he can see his BFF elmo everyday through that magical screen

and

two) he can see his other BFF captain picard every once in while too.

ok ... so now you can sue me.

(caption: "saaay what?? commander worf did not seriously just do that!?!")

we love the suns

2010-07-15T10:10:00.000-07:00

once upon a time i pretended to love the utah jazz just to annoy nathan. well, then i actually did love them. and cheered for them. you know - like telling a lie long enough until you believe its true, too. (i mean ive never done that - im just sayin)

well then we left utah ... and i had no reason to really follow the jazz anymore. i guess i was, what you might call, a fairweather fan. dont get me wrong, i still love me some ak-47. i just dont follow 'em like i did. but i did start watching the suns with nathan. and this past season, i bought orange and purple flowers for every playoff game. we even decorated for jordans birthday in orange and purple balloons and streamers. basically .. what im saying is we bleed orange and purple.

so it would only make sense that when nathan suggested that i turn the rarely used guest room into a craft room/art studio that i would want to do the color scheme in purple and orange. after quite a bit of deliberating and sketching it out, i decided to just paint one wall. i opted for a color called orange crush. and after i painted it, i seriously couldnt stop saying how much i loved it. then i moved in my black bookcases. and i freaked. the room looked like an ode to halloween. and while it is my favorite holiday, i wasnt really interested in a theme room .. well i mean, other than the phoenix suns.

after moving in all my paints, crafts, baskets, easel ... so on and so forth ... the room looks less halloween-y, and more crafty. im really happy with the result, and im already working on two projects. my first ever sewing project. (i have sewed before, just not successfully, and have always had my motherinlaw or sister helping) and a painting ive been working on, but havent had the space or inspiration to finish.

anyway, ill show some pics later .. but for now here's one with my phone.

just one more thought on the suns ... i may or may not have shed a tear when i heard LB (leandro barbosa) was traded. honestly ... i said "see ya" to amare. i mean, im sad to see the team ive always known as "the suns" breaking up. but amare wasnt playing his money's worth ... so check ya lata!!! but LB??!!?? i just cant believe im not going to see him coming off the bench next season. how sad.

well. at least ive got my craft room to take my mind off the pain.

2010-06-22T14:53:00.000-07:00

remember that one time ... when i was pregnant?

that was weird. i mean, im just saying, having a baby growing INSIDE of you is totally weird. like an alien.

know what else is weird? is when the baby grows outside your belly ... into a toddler!!

let me just say, that in usual fashion, i had been completely worried about lbj's development. i was sure i was going to go on family vacation, and have everyone wondering why im unable to teach my baby the most simple tasks (they are simple to me .. but, i suppose, to a baby its a lil more difficult).

just about two weeks prior to our trip, lbj started clapping. hallelujah! literally for weeks i tried to get him to master this skill, to no avail. and then, a couple weeks after giving up, he looks at me one day and just starts appaulding. i am pretty sure he was actually appaulding me, and all my valiant efforts as a mother.

i was very happy that i would have one skill to show off to family members while in yellowstone. (is it weird that i refer to lbj's ability to do things as "my skills"?? nah)

but let me tell you about my son. he is not only a clapper. while on vacation - around 22 other people - he decided to do things he has never done before.

for example, on his birthday, he blew me kisses. im sorry. should i repeat that for you? he blew kisses to me! oh how he loves his mother.

at the airport on the way home, he decided to wave. thats right people. he waved.

but the biggest and best news of all was ...

drum roll please

he started walking. the day before his first birthday.

look, i dont want to go and get all sentimental on you blog

...

but one day i had a baby. and now i dont.

(good thing it was a pool party)

the lioness and her brother-in-law's cub

2010-05-29T00:46:00.000-07:00

i am, as you know, not a parent to a teenager.

when i've previously daydreamed about parenthood, it did not include the teenage years.

it was all pretty pink or pale blue ... lots of cooing and then some toddling. on to when they are about 5. and think im just about the coolest person on the planet. and then pretty much all of my day dreaming centered around that.

me. being cool. and then children acknowledging my coolness.

tonight my 16 year old niece told me she has a boyfriend. actually, what happened was me saying "so. ... youre in a relationship" quoting her recent facebook relationship status. she said, "yupp". just like that. it sounded like she said, "aint no thang, aunt nikki." except 1) she never calls me "aunt" and 2) she would probably never say that sentence has it has a serious late nineties ring to it.

throughout the conversation, i could feel myself feeling more and more ... you know. no, cmon, you know what im talking about. that feeling. no? well i couldnt put my finger on that feeling either. i kept saying, "its like im nervous. but not really"

but my sister in law says - "youre feeling that motherly protectiveness". what? i dont even know what that means. the worst thing im protecting lbj from is the stairs. and i dont feel anxiety about that. mostly just frustration that despite all my NO-ing, he still climbs them. plus, im not her mother. im just a lady who visits from time to time.

well. who knows. im going to meet this character on monday. and if he doesnt meet my standards (which are much higher than they were when i was dating at 16, fyi) - then we'll have issues. and if he breaks my nieces lil heart - well, this is a clean, family friendly blog, so i cant tell you the things i'd do.

what was that about being protective???

my best friend

2010-05-25T17:58:00.000-07:00

i bet you thought this post was going to be about nathan. i mean, he is my best human friend. and we did just celebrate our 5th anniversary. but actually ....

its about gus.

first, and foremost, gus is an english lab. an english gentleman, if you will. i picture gus in a red robe, smoking a pipe and drinking brandy. he is very well read, and can quote shakespeare. he is a renaissance dog. an everyman's dog.

he is, without a doubt, the best friend i ever had.

when i bought my first house in the beginning of 2004, i lived alone. i was learning about the lds church, and had a friend who would come over with her family to teach me with the missionaries. gus was their dog. he was getting older, and the kids weren't playing with him. they were trying to find a good home for him, and i was lonely all by myself. so, gus came to live with me. happy as a clam.

i found out later, he had gone to two other families, and apparently howled uncontrollably until he was taken back home. to this day, ive never heard gus mutter a sound. well, except that sound he makes when he lays down, and it sounds like all the air is escaping his body. a big "UMPHH" sound.

anyway, gus loved me. and i loved him. we would "wrassle" on the floor of the living room. and i would talk for him, saying, "im a bear!!! and i eat people!!" why?? i have no idea. it just seemed like what he might say. ps - when we talk for gus, he sounds like eeyore

... thanks for noticin' ...

remember that time gus knocked the watermelon off the kitchen counter, it broke, and he rolled it into the dining room, where he proceeded to eat it all over my white carpet? that was funny.

oh, yeah, and that time he ate his way out of a metal crate? "no one puts gus-gus in a corner!!"

or how about how he became the mascot for our neighborhood in eagle mountain? the kids loved him. and they would take him for walks. throw the ball, and play fetch with them. he loved it there, i think.

here's the thing. gus had to go to heaven today. you know, all dogs go to heaven.

honestly. i dont think i can write more than that.

(if you could see me now, you would know why)

we miss you already, ole buddy.

heels at the dland

2010-05-20T14:26:00.000-07:00

i just dont get it.

why are you girls walking around disneyland in 5 inch heels?

i try to give them the benefit of the doubt - you know, like, they have a season pass, and they are just coming in for a nice romantic dinner at the blue bayou.

but when i see you multiple times throughout the day - in line for rides, getting churros, and just generally walking around on those monstrosities - i cant help but want to scream for someone to get you an emergency pair of flipflops. (or sneakers) (or flats) (or even crocs)

(i googled for a pic - but to avail. next time im there, ill be sure to snap a picture of this weirdness)

you've got trash

2010-05-13T09:40:00.000-07:00

i have the best garbage men. i frequently forget to put out my can, hear their truck - and have to run it out to the curb as they pass my house by. just a couple of weeks ago, i was doing this exact thing, as the truck swung around the cul-de-sac. the driver pointed to the opposite curb, and so i ran my garbage across the street. i had left lbj in the house - so i went back in to get him all ready for a day of errands.

as i walked back out to my garage - anticipating the oh so very long walk across the street to retrieve my can - i saw that my fabulous garbage men dragged the container back to my house and INTO my garage. not the curb. not the driveway. in the garage. this may not seem that big to you. but its just one of those things, they clearly have no responsibility to do, and yet, went out of their way to do it.

as i drove by them on my way out of the neighborhood, i opened my window and yelled my thanks. the driver waved, and the collector said, "no problem, beautiful". (it must be because i've lost 20+ lbs.)

as lbj and i were taking a morning walk - on a tuesday or friday - i looked at everyones garbage on the curb. i know the family that lives half way down the block LOVES corona. i know that my next door neighbor shops at costco or sam's based on the random cardboard boxes he always puts out. and i know what brand of dog food some of my neighbors use. what do your garbage men know about you?

i am sure that mine know - even without running into me on the street - that we had a baby. we were putting out garbage only once a week. and then suddenly we were putting out HUGE boxes. ones with pictures of cribs, highchairs and swings on them. dead giveaway we were expecting. then we started throwing away big blue diaper-genie bags full of nasty smells. hmph, looks like the baby arrived.

im sure they knew we bought a new tele. and all the presents my kid got for christmas that came in boxes.

or that we went on a binge of eating little caesar's pizza once a week for weeks!

and, so, now it seems my trash has created this odd connection between me and my garbage men. one where they know a lot about me. and they think im beautiful (yes, i just wanted to work that in, one more time), and so they do nice things for me. its actually kind of nice and refreshing.

what does your trash do for you?

im a nerd - nathans a male pig

2010-05-04T12:38:00.000-07:00

something you may or may not know about me is i love sci-fi stuff. especially star trek and star wars.
in fact i have the star trek 9-movie series box set on my amazon wish list (should anyone be interested - my birthday is in october).

yesterday i watched 4 TNG (the next generation, c'mon) episodes in row. LOVE IT. the last episode had a character - a betazoid - who looked very familiar to me. so i remembered his name, and googled it later.
(turns out he was on a few episodes of seinfeld)

whats a betazoid!? oh you silly blog. do you remember deanna troi? shes the counselor on the enterprise. when i see her, all i see big frizzy curly hair. shes half human, half betazoid. nathan's response? "well, she ALL hot!" i forgot to mention she also has plunging necklines. hmph.

listen, commander worf is paralyzed from the waist down and wants to kill himself - so i've got to get back to this episode (and the 6 that come after this ... TNG marathon!!!!)

really?

2010-05-03T14:24:00.000-07:00

really?? really?!? did i just spend almost a full 3 minutes watching this ridiculousness.

i did.

and now im posting it for you to view.

why?? who knows. i dont like miley cyrus. i dont think i ever will.

this video may have sealed the deal.

(plus have you ever noticed when she is on stage singing she looks like a raptor - with her arm all up and curled. weird dinosaur disney lady. thats what i think)

dear old blog

2010-05-01T23:13:00.000-07:00

maybe you are wondering what happened to me, blog?

maybe not.

i've been using my creative juices in other areas. i finished a painting for my sister-in-law, debbie.
then i did one for my sister-in-law kim. now im working on rachel's HUGE piece. its 60x30. its the biggest i've done in quite some time, fa sho. im waiting for a couple of canvases to arrive from dickblick this week.

nathan and i went to the summerlin art walk last week. ive just really been feeling my painting-ness (yeah. i just made that up) coming back. so i looked into getting in on the fall summerlin art thingee. it is, first of all, juried. of course. so, i'd have to be picked. which - thats kind of unlikely anyway. but second, if you do get juried in, the booth is about $350. i just dont have that kind of money.

it was a nice thought. you know. give myself a goal or whatevs.

but instead im going to try and teach lbj how to point to body parts. does your baby do that? probably. mine doesnt. but, goals can be achieved! (thats what i keep telling myself)

also - ill be learning some kind of hiphop dance - because while i have lost 22lbs. i am pretty sure that i am not going to lose another 14lbs before i get to idaho. and my "punishment" for not losing my goal lbs, is i have to do a dance for the family. and completely and totally embarrass myself. so get ready, dees. its on!
(this is a situation where goals were NOT achieved. but its cool. right?)

i could play catchup with you now blizzityblog. but probably, ill just try and keep writing pretending like i never stopped. its like when people fight. and then one of them tells a joke to try and lighten the mood. and they both laugh. and then the night continues like the argument never happened. that doesnt happen in my house. you know, because im a grudge holder. but i bet it happens. somewhere. out there.

ps. two things to tell you about lbj - one) when he gets up in the morning or from his nap, his hair is always all pushed forward on the sides with swoopy bangs. just like justin bieber. so we've started calling him "the biebs" sometimes. it kinda sounds like "the beav" and that makes me laugh. it really is no wonder he has trouble knowing what his name is. two) if he had a theme song, it would be "break your heart" by taio cruz ft. ludacris. im just sayin - he's a heart breaka. and he knows it!

(really.. am i still typing? its time to end this post. thanks blog, for always being there.)

TGIF

2010-03-19T10:53:00.000-07:00

thank goodness its friday, right?

aye aye aye

lbj is under the desk. he keeps bumping his head - lightly - then screaming. really hes ready for nap. but im trying to go a few more minutes, as i have work to accomplish today, along with conference calls to get on - and what not. and i need him napping through the conference calls.

couple things ... i weighed myself this morning, and i am into the 160s, which i havent been there in like 3 years. so thats hot.

also, its friday, so we always go out to dinner with my parents on friday. so im so looking forward to that.

i am just writing this blog to waste time before putting lbj down, since i need him asleep during my conference call, i need him to go down to nap at a certain time.

i think i can give in now.

:o) yay friday!!

thank you ...

2010-02-17T23:29:00.000-08:00

thanks to all my friends for giving me encouraging words today. it made me cry. i appreciate it. tons.

ps. even if we have never met, we are pretty much best friends now. just fyi.

and its true. im a pretty good mum. i mean - check out this pic. i let lbj watch the dogs outside through a nasty glass door. with his pjs unbuttoned. the freedom he must feel!!

:o) thanks again everyone :o)

the most depressing post in history

2010-02-17T12:59:00.000-08:00

since my last blog ... i have started and not finished about 5 entries.

maybe someday ill finish them.

but probably not.

i am just not feelin the blog. its kinda sad.

but i do want to get something off my chest. im feeling really crappy. i know how sad. i come back to blog about crappiness. you should probably just stop reading. cause this is just gonna get really really depressing.

i just am feeling really inadequate. mostly as a mother. but also just in an overall way. i cant seem to get it together. i finally get the house clean and am on top of it - only to feel like i havent spent enough time reading books to lbj. so, i read books to lbj just to have him crawl away from me at every page turn. i must not be a good reader out louder (yup i just wrote that. and im not changing it. even though its totally wrong).

i spend more time on the floor rolling around with lbj. and having fun. only to realize that the dirty towels i threw down the stairs last week are still sitting at the base of the stairs. i read these stupid blogs and mommy forums about peoples kids that are all 8 months old. and their kids are freakin saying words. ridiculous. im actually crying now. jackson says mama. when hes sad. he doesnt even know what hes doing. i cant get him to talk to me. he just looks at me like im crazy. he babbles on his own. but the minute i try to chime in ... like the book say i should .. he stops talking. he wont repeat sounds that i make. and im pretty sure he could care less that im trying so hard. meanwhile - there are a lot of dishes in the sink and the carpet needs vaccuming. also the dog crap needs to be picked up and ...o crap .. the dogs are still out back and they need water.

ps i went to the movies alone monday afternoon. a little "me" time. came home to nathan lying on the floor unable to get up because of back spasms. it took us two hours to get him up. two days later he is still out of commission and hopped up on pain killers. the joke is - that's what i get for taking two hours to myself.

except. it doesnt feel like a joke.

new year ... bigger and better

2010-01-04T12:59:00.000-08:00

wow. did i fall behind at the end of 2009 or what?

but its a new year. with a fresh start.

that means better blogging. and better church attendance.

church is at 9 am now. way easier to make it to 9 am church than one pm. one pm is nap time. the middle of nap time. and lbj is a one nap a day baby. so i dont really like disturbing that nap time. in addition, by 1230 in the afternoon im in no mood to get all dressed up and go to church. thats the honest truth. i know, im such a bad person. but im just coming clean. it seems thats necessary for fresh starts. im just sayin.

like i said, though, 2010 is going to bring on bigger and better things. like, better blogging. here on this blog. and on that blog. my weight loss blog. i know, i know. i did a "weightloss" blog two years ago. blah blah blah. but this one is new. and better. and im doing it with my sister. shes funny too. we are going to motivate each other from far away via the same blog.

you should come motivate us too. with awesome commenting skills (that i know you have. just use those skills, people).

what else will happen in 2010? probably a lot of things. i mean it is 12 months after all. last year i was pregnant and had a baby. and he turned 6 months. and started crawling. and pulling himself into a standing position.

say what??? he is only 6 months old and wanting to stand. people. im not ready for this. my book says that happens around 9 months. i plan my life around "the book", as you know.

so maybe in 2010 i wont read "the book" so much anymore.

ha ha ha

yes i will. dont kid yourself.

also in 2010 im protecting my house. or i guess protecting lbj from the house. i put the electric socket thingees in the wall this morning. and then went to start putting the latches on the cabinet doors. but i open the pack and what do i see, but this:

im sorry. screws? im going to have to work at this? i really dont like work. especially manual labor work. and yes. if i have to use a screw driver, hammer, or anything like that - its manual labor. and yes that means hanging a picture is manual labor. (i might be exaggerating on my hate of these things. but its not likely)

i guess 2010 means more work. ugh.

in 2009 i made homemade baby food for lbj. dang! im such a good mom. so bigger and better means in 2010 ill start making homemade dinners for nathan and myself again (yet another thing that started going to the wayside at the end of the year)

in 2009 i had cleaning ladies. then i quit my "real" job. so i was my own cleaning lady. this also meant we had a very messy home at the end of 2009. 2010 means clean house!

you know, i feel like im taking a lot on. i think that maybe, just maybe, ill make a resolution to make a little extra money this year and just hire back the cleaning ladies. im just saying. i dont want to overwhelm myself. you know?

heres to a happy and healthy new year to all my little readers.

ps. 2010 will also have me finding the spell check button in blogger. where the heck did it go?

uggs

2009-12-14T16:38:00.000-08:00

nathan and i have a rule. i do ... i dunno ... 80% of the housework (you know he helps with dishes on occasion, and vaccums sometimes). and in return, he will do the yard work. not the dog poo though. i do that too. we used to be on a rotating schedule. but everytime it was his turn, he offered me 20$ to do it for him. since we share money, hes just giving me my own 20$. lame. so now i just do it all the time, for free. because i love him like that.

while doing the dog duty (get it???), i noticed we had a lot of leaves around. i mean i guess it is winter after all. it makes sense. so i decided to do some of nathans job and rake.

to go outside and do these chores, i had to wear my uggs. because its cold out.

let me tell you about these uggs. i got them a few years ago. when we first moved into our eagle mountain home (utah) i wore them. it was the first weekend of march, and still cold. i took the uggs off in the garage and spent time doing ... stuff. the next time i needed to wear the boots, i went to the garage and stuffed my feet in. in fact, i really had to stuff on my left boot. it felt like the inside fluff of the boot was coming loose and bunching up near my toes. i walked into the kitchen and was feeling really uncomfortable. so i took the boot off. reached in. and start getting the fluff out.

when i did - i looked down, and there was not fluff in my hand - there was a FREAKIN MOUSE. i literally threw it as hard as i could at the tile floor. im not sure if i felt like i needed to make sure it was dead or what. but im sure i screamed. and i ran away. upstairs.

after this - things get fuzzy. im pretty sure i tried to call nathan - who was still living at our apt in SLC (another story - just go with it). no answer. so i called my brother-in-law ben. who lived in kaysville. what i thought he was going to be able to do from an hour away, is beyond me. but i called. and left a HYSTERICAL message. not hysterical funny. but i was in a fit of hysteria. i couldnt breathe. i think i nearly died. im pretty sure.

i left the mouse on the kitchen floor for three days until nathan could come and take care of it. i didnt go into the kitchen for those three days. i dont even know what i ate - i was still living in a post-near-death haze. the boot was still lying on the floor when nathan arrived too.

the boots went into my closet. i didnt know if i could ever wear them again. but, hey, uggs are expensive.

i think ive worn them twice since this incident. today was time two. and when i put them on, one of the tags inside started scratching my leg. i screamed. dont judge me. you would too if you lived through the trauma i had.

once outside and raking, everytime i saw something remotely fuzzy, i was sure it was a mouse. or a mouse house.

wearing uggs will always make me think of mice. and not in a good way. (as if there was a good way)

UGH!

mail box woes

2009-11-24T22:54:00.000-08:00

i have a fear of getting the mail. i hate to go out there. maybe there is some horrible letter in the box, telling me all that i ever knew to be true in the world, is, in fact, false (like that im actually adopted and my biological family is searching for me. more than likely there are bills and junk mail in the box.

but what if i find a bill for a hundred million dollars for something i forgot to pay 5 years ago? i think this is likely, as i have moved to 7 different addresses in those 5 years. plus, i changed my name (because i got married, not because im paranoid). it would be very easy to lose me. and then find me. and charge me crazy late fees.

you know who charges crazy late fees? hollywood video. i have two movies in my possession that cost me 67$ each. because i was very late in returning them. so eventually i got a letter stating that i needed to just pay them and keep the movies. so i did. im pretty sure they are the most expensive movies ever purchased.

back to the mailbox. point is, im scared of it. and what could be inside. therefore, i only check my mail on occasion. like ... maybe once a week. but, probably, more like every other week.

today my mum called to see if i had checked my mail. she does not know of this fear, she just likes to check in on me, apparently. as i hadnt yet done so in at least 5 days, i replied, "nope, not yet". this is very casual. as in, "no worries, ill do it later".

later turned out to be 10 pm.

i ran across the street to the box. put my key into number three. and i hoped that was the right box (sometimes i forget, because its been so long).

i pulled out the hoards of mail. the box was stuffed! and there were no packages. just bills and junk (of course). but, it was stuffed.

i started to run back across the street. (its 50degrees out - aka freezing. of course i was running.)

suddenly, i tripped on my pj pants. and ate it.

ate it!

my mail went flying all over the middle of the road. i hit my knee and hip and landed on my hands.

i laughed really hard (i may have snorted). i do that when im nervous. and i was really nervous someone might have seen me ... at 10 pm ... in the dark ... on a cul-de-sac with no traffic ...

i got my mail together. and tried to run home. embarrassed. but i was hurt. so, i couldnt run. only limp. it was really sad.

i really hope i have a bruise on my hip tomorrow so i can take a picture and show you. i dont know why. its like a battle wound. and i would think it was cool.

ps...thanks to my mum for sending lbj a card for his first thanksgiving...had you not, maybe i wouldnt have eaten asphalt tonight. and who doesnt like a little tar for dessert?

my dog is my mop

2009-11-23T16:30:00.001-08:00

lbj is now into his 5th month. its crazy. i know. im livin' it.

after successfully eating a variety of grains (wheat, rice, oats ... whatever colored box i didnt have before, i bought, just to make sure i went through them all), lbj has moved on to veggies.

he has tried sweet potatoes, carrots, regular (fabulous) mashed potatoes, and peas. it seems peas are his favorites. and he doesnt like sweet potatoes (neither do we).

today we had peas and carrots for lunch. while he was taking breaks between bites (the book says to do that, so he learns healthy eating habits), i was putting carrots and sweet potatoes into a lil frozen teething thingee. when i snapped it closed, this happened:

(please note: it is not only on my chest, but on my sleeve. and the other sleeve you cant see. i dont like pureed foods. this was really nasty for me)

i left the highchair and went to the sink. within seconds - i hear a clatter. behold:

(wheres your bowl, lbj?)

(uh oh)

(why didnt i put down that sesame street food mat?)

good thing i have a dog. nashdee was very helpful in the cleanup.

i made a new bowl, and we finished lunch.

as nashdee patiently waited for more peas and carrots.

blizzity bloggin

2009-11-18T12:47:00.000-08:00

do you know that i follow over 50 blogs?

its sick - my obsession with blogs.

just last weekend jordan and kaitlynn stayed with us (buy jordans new christmas cd here. its amazing. dont say i didnt tell you).

while using the computer, jordan mentioned (while casual in its delivery, i could tell he was shocked) that i have a lot of blogs in my favorites. in addition to the ones that i "follow" i have blogs that i just mark and go to from my sidebar. im not sure why i have done this. but it is nice for one reason. i came home from a 5 day vacation to the AZ - and i had 89 unread items in my google reader. really? you want me to sit down and read all those. i hate to say it - but some of those were never read. im sorry if i missed your most recent visit to the bird sanctuary, where you took some really rad photos of your kids and birds alike. (no, really i am sorry)

i digress ... i just read the "why i'm still single" newest post. and someone made a comment about how shes getting a lil uppity (that is totally my word, my interpretation) - he made the comment that her blog is now all about how wonderful she is and how so many people want to date her.

i, of course, commented saying that was just fine. im wonderful. and i write about it. so that way you, too, can know of my wonderfulness. since i rarely see people in real life, how else would you know that im fabulous?

are we a people obsessed with seeing the worst in others? is reading someones sad story just the morphed bully who puts people down to make themselves feel better? look, dont get me wrong. i love a good cat fight (read callie ann and chloes rivaling blogs) .. but at the end of the day - i love a good laugh. a good story. a real story. so like i told SS -

tell it how it is, sistah.

ps i just went to go to chloes blog. shes gone private in the last day or two. i guess ill have to find somewhere else to get my drama.